Great Jokes with a Double Meaning
Double meaning jokes at their best. Enjoy the hilarious surprise these
clever and very funny jokes have to offer.
I went to a really interesting lecture on kleptomania.
I took a
lot from it.
“Waiter, does that delightfully loud band of yours play at the guests’
requests?”
“Of course sir, what would you like them to play?”
“Billiards. At least until I’ve had the chance to finish my dinner in
peace.”
A guy had to ask his neighbor for help getting his new sofa inside the flat
because it got stuck in the door.
After about twenty minutes of
vigorous pushing and maneuvering, the guy pants, “I think we’ll have to call
it a day. There’s no way we’re getting it inside.”
The neighbor looks
at him slowly, “Wait, inside?!”
A man in a French restaurant asks the waiter, “Do you have frog legs?”
The waiter looks offended, “No, I’ve always walked like that!”“
Tom and Paula are having their first date at a café:
Tom: What’s
your profession?
Paula: I’m a waitress, and you?
Tom: I
imitate birds for a living.
Paula (suppresses a smile): I’m sorry
Tom, but that has to be the most ridiculous job I’ve ever heard of.
Tom is offended. He walks out the door, spreads out his arms and flies
away.
You only love me when you need money!”
“Oh come on darling, you know
that I love you all the time!”
“Exactly my point!”
Do you know the difference between a fly and an elephant?
No.
Wow. You’d better see somebody then.
A couple goes to the cinema. “Two tickets, please,” says the man.
“Hobbit?” asks the cashier lady.
“No, that’s my wife.”
It is generally believed that talking with your mouth full is rude.
Personally, I find talking with your head empty much worse.
“So, you’re saying I wouldn’t move a finger for you, darling?” said the
husband and pulled the trigger.“
Wives are strange creatures. Mine sometimes waits up for me till I come home
at 3 am to ask me whether I know what time it is.
“Excuse me sir, could you please close that window? It’s terribly cold
outside.”
“And you seriously think it’s going to get any warmer
outside when I close it?!”
“I’d really like to have enough money to buy a white tiger!”
“What on
Earth would you do with a white tiger?!”
“Who said I’d get a white
tiger? I just want that much money!”
A guy comes to work too late. The boss is angry and asks where he’s been.
The guy replies, “I’m sorry, boss, I fell out of the window.”
The
boss retorts, “OK but come on, you weren’t falling for an hour!”
What does the lightbulb say when it’s being unscrewed?
I’m feeling
delighted…
How do you pick up a girl at a bar?
-
Just smash some ice cubes in
front of her and say, “Now that the ice between us is broken, what would you
like to drink?”
You need something in your life that will set you on fire!
It’s a bit
late to leave it for the crematorium.
A guy comes in a phone shop and says he’d like to buy a Samsung.
“Model?” asks the shop girl.
“No, I’m a plumber, but thank you very
much!”
Do you want some body-on-body action? To feel the mingling breaths, the
animalistic smells, the synchronized movement, the in and out, through the
front, through the back…?
Take the bus to work
during Monday morning rush hour!
A man goes with his e-bike to a bike shop and says, “I’d like to have a bell
for my bike here.”
The dealer smiles greedily, “Bargain, we have a
deal!”
A man walks into a sports shop and turns to an employee, “I’d like to have
these three very big and heavy balls.”
The employee nods, “me too.”
What I say: I’m a family type.
What I mean: I eat roughly the
same amount as an average family.
Two former friends are catching up at a class reunion: “So what are you up
to these days? Got a good job?”
“Yeah, I can’t complain. I’ve roughly
450 people under me.”
“Wow, that’s impressive! What is it you do?”
“I
mow the lawn at the cemetery.”
