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Double Meaning Jokes

Best first: A guy is standing at a bus stop with a piece of sandwich peeking out of the seat of his trousers. People keep pretending not to notice but eventually one man is too curious and asks what it’s supposed to mean.

“Yeah, I thought it was weird, too, but I was at the dentist today and he said it was really important that I chew on the other side today.”

    
 Double Meaning Jokes

Great Jokes with a Double Meaning


Double meaning jokes at their best. Enjoy the hilarious surprise these clever and very funny jokes have to offer. 
I went to a really interesting lecture on kleptomania.
 
I took a lot from it.
“Waiter, does that delightfully loud band of yours play at the guests’ requests?”

“Of course sir, what would you like them to play?”

“Billiards. At least until I’ve had the chance to finish my dinner in peace.”
A guy had to ask his neighbor for help getting his new sofa inside the flat because it got stuck in the door.

After about twenty minutes of vigorous pushing and maneuvering, the guy pants, “I think we’ll have to call it a day. There’s no way we’re getting it inside.”

The neighbor looks at him slowly, “Wait, inside?!”

A man in a French restaurant asks the waiter, “Do you have frog legs?”

The waiter looks offended, “No, I’ve always walked like that!”“
Tom and Paula are having their first date at a café:

Tom: What’s your profession?

Paula: I’m a waitress, and you?

Tom: I imitate birds for a living.

Paula (suppresses a smile): I’m sorry Tom, but that has to be the most ridiculous job I’ve ever heard off.

Tom is offended. He walks out the door, spreads out his arms and flies away.
You only love me when you need money!”

“Oh come on darling, you know that I love you all the time!”

“Exactly my point!”
Do you know the difference between a fly and an elephant?

No.

Wow. You’d better see somebody then.
A couple goes to the cinema. “Two tickets, please,” says the man.

“Hobbit?” asks the cashier lady.

“No, that’s my wife.”
It is generally believed that talking with your mouth full is rude.

Personally, I find talking with your head empty much worse.

“So, you’re saying I wouldn’t move a finger for you, darling?” said the husband and pulled the trigger.“
Wives are strange creatures. Mine sometimes waits up for me till I come home at 3 am to ask me whether I know what time it is.
“Excuse me sir, could you please close that window? It’s terribly cold outside.”

“And you seriously think it’s going to get any warmer outside when I close it?!”
“I’d really like to have enough money to buy a white tiger!”

“What on Earth would you do with a white tiger?!”

“Who said I’d get a white tiger? I just want that much money!”
A guy comes to work too late. The boss is angry and asks where he’s been. The guy replies, “I’m sorry, boss, I fell out of the window.”

The boss retorts, “OK but come on, you weren’t falling for an hour!”

What does the lightbulb say when it’s being unscrewed?

I’m feeling delighted…
How do you pick up a girl at a bar?
-
Just smash some ice cubes in front of her and say, “Now that the ice between us is broken, what would you like to drink?”
You need something in your life that will set you on fire!

It’s a bit late to leave it for the crematorium.
A guy comes in a phone shop and says he’d like to buy a Samsung.

“Model?” asks the shop girl.

“No, I’m a plumber, but thank you very much!”
Do you want some body-on-body action? To feel the mingling breaths, the animalistic smells, the synchronized movement, the in and out, through the front, through the back…
   
Then take the bus to work during Monday morning rush hour.
A man goes with his e-bike to a bike shop and says, “I’d like to have a bell for my bike here.”

The dealer smiles greedily, “Bargain, we have a deal!”
A man walks into a sports shop and turns to an employee, “I’d like to have these three very big and heavy balls.”

The employee nods, “me too.”

What I say: I’m a family type.
 
What I mean: I eat roughly the same amount as an average family.
Two former friends are catching up at a class reunion: “So what are you up to these days? Got a good job?”

“Yeah, I can’t complain. I’ve roughly 450 people under me.”Wow, that’s impressive! What is it you do?”

“I mow the lawn at the cemetery.”




 
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