A lovey dovey couple are sitting on a bench in the park and she says, “My
ear hurts me…” He kisses it gently and asks, “Is it better now, my darling?”
“It’s all gone,” giggles the girl, “but now I have a pain here,” and she
points to her neck.
The boy kisses it tenderly and asks, “Better
now, sweet pea?”
“It’s all healed, my love! But now I have a very bad
pain here,” she replies and points to her clavicle.
politely interrupts an old man from a neighboring bench, “this is really
impressive! Do you heal hemorrhoids as well?”
A grandma and a grandpa are going out for their daily health walk and
grandma can’t decide. “I don’t know, Joe, should I wear my bra do you
“Yeah, Rosie, you better, it’s quite muddy out.”
A guy comes to work very sick and asks his boss for advice. The boss says,
"You know, if it were me, I'd just go home and let my wife really take care
of me in all aspects, if you know what I mean. Now go and do just that,
Roger, you look pretty bad." - The guy gratefully leaves and comes
back the next day, looking much better. - "So, how was it?" asks the
boss, "Everything alright?" - "Yes," replies the guy, "I feel much
better, thank you. By the way, you have really nice furniture!"
Ah, the modern days. I just saw a grandpa help a youngster who was staring
into his phone to cross the street.
Doctor says to his patient: “Your liver results are back. And frankly,
they’re very surprising considering that I only allowed you one glass of
wine per week.” - The patient shrugs: “Do you really think you are the
only doctor I am going to?”
Two farmers are walking down a road when suddenly they’re passed by a
headless biker. Weird, but – well. They continue down the road. After a
while they are passed by a headless bicyclist.
Hm. They walk on for a
bit when one says to the other, “Joe, how about you put the scythe on your
Why are seniors encouraged to take healing mud baths?
slowly start getting used to earth.
Harlan the biker comes to the hairdresser.
The hairdresser stares at
his greasy hair in disbelief for a while and then asks, “So, did you come to
cut your hair or just for an oil change?”
Joe asks Peter: "Wow, so many scars. You must have had an adventurous life!"
- Peter replies: "No, I have a cat."
I was begging God to give me a hot body.
Great. Now I’m enjoying
the hot flashes of menopause.
American psychologists have isolated two fundamental reasons why men
1) They don’t have a woman.
2) They have
A grave digger comes home all tired and exhausted, nearly dragging his hands
on the ground. “What on Earth happened?!” asks his wife.
burying some mother-in-law or other, and the people applauded so much as we
lowered her into the ground, that we had to do it again and again, eight
Patient: “Doctor, please help me, I think I can see in the future.” -
Doctor: “When did it start?” - Patient: “Next Friday.”
A truck driver phones his boss, "Hey boss, my mirror is broken."
boss says, "Well then Just buy a new one and replace it then."
truck driver answers, "I can't. The truck is laying on it."
So, Mr. Brandberg, are you happy with your new hearing aid? – Very
much, doctor. I already changed my last will twice!
An American guy, a French guy, and a Scottish guy go for a beer. All their
beers, by some coincidence or other, arrive with a fly in it.
American pushes the beer away in disgust.
The French guy fishes out the
fly and drinks the beer.
The Scotsman takes the fly out by the wing and
yells at it, “Spit it out, spit it out now ya little hussy!!!”