What goes tttthhh?
-
A snake with a lisp
Why did the picture have to go to prison?
-
It was framed.
What do you call a fly without wings?
-
A walk.
Two tomatoes are walking across a street. One of them gets run over by a
truck.
-
The first tomato looks at the gruesome scene and says: “Well, life’s not
a petting zoo.”
Why do cows wear bells?
Their horns don’t work.
How can you tell you have an elephant in your
bedroom?
By the big "E" on his pajamas.
A toast goes up the stairs, and then he remembers
that he can’t walk and falls back down the stairs.
What is big, grey and triangular?
The shadow of the big green triangle!
A gummy bear sits on a power line and says to the
other gummy bear, "brzzztbrzzztbbbbrzzztbrrrrzt"
What does a farmer say when he's looking for his
tractor?
-
"Where is my tractor?"
What do you call an alligator that’s wearing a vest?
An investigator.
One fart says to another fart, “You stink.”
-
The second fart replies, “So do you!”
What’s black, red, black, red, black, red?
-
A zebra with a sun burn.
What is green and sits crying in the corner?
The incredible Sulk.
At a farmer’s market stall:
Customer: Excuse me, is this tomato genetically modified?
Seller: Why do you want to know?
Tomato: Yeah, why do you want to know?
A guy says, “Sorry, I can’t hear you, I have a banana
in my ear.” - The other guy replies, “Sorry, I can’t hear you. I have a
cucumber in my ear.” At a barbecue.
One sausage says to another, “Oh my god, I think you’re burning!”
What’s jumping from tree to tree?
-
A pack of gherkins.
-
Wait, that can’t be right!
-
Of course not. Gherkins aren’t pack creatures.
What tea can vary in taste from bitter to sweet?
-
Realitea.
Two skyscrapers are sitting in the cellar, knitting
gasoline.
Is there anything odd about this?
Of course – you can only crochet gasoline!
Q: What is blue and smells like red paint?
-
A: Blue paint.
What did one candle say to the other?
-
A: I'll be going out tonight.
What is blue and lies under a mushroom? - Smurf poop.What is yellow and cannot swim?
-
An excavator!
-
And why?
-
Because it only has one arm.
(More Fart jokes)
Two tomatoes walk across the street. One of them
screams: "Careful there's a truck comi...SPLASH!!!!"
What is black, red, and golden and flies through the
air?
-
A lady bug with a golden tooth.
Where do cows like to go?
-
In a mooooseum. What is yellow and black and flies?
-
A group of mustard seeds in leather jackets! Photographer: “And will you want those pictures in
color or black-and-white?”
Zebra: “Jerk!” Two fish meet. One says: “Blubb”.
A ball rolls around a corner and says, “Damn, I
missed my bus.”
How many elephants fit into a submarine?
-
Twelve, because the doorbell is on the left side.
Two sheep are sitting in a rubber boat in the middle
of the ocean. A nothing floats along and passes by the boat.
One sheep remarks, “Did you see that?”
The other one says, “No…”
First sheep agrees, “Me neither.”
What does a French skeleton say when he enters a bar?
BONEjour!
(More One-liners)
What is green, small, hairy and has three white
points?
Well - nothing, really.
”Two hunters go in a forest. One shoots the other in
the eye and says, “Don’t you look at me like that!”
A man goes with his daughter in a forest. “Look a
mushroom!” points the dad.
-
The mushroom turns around and says, “So what?!”
A man walks into a small convenience store and asks,
“I’d like a pound of milk please“.
-
The shop assistant says, “Milk is measured, sir, not weighed.”
-
The man replies, “Ok, then give me 7 inches of milk.”
Do you know the joke from the second floor?
-
No, I live on the third floor.
What do walls do? - They meet at the corner.
Next Part 2
Best Anti Jokes
