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Anti Jokes

Best first: One mountain asks another: “What’s wrong with you? Are you high?!”
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Anti Jokes

The Best Anti Jokes

Part 1 | Part 2
A man sees a shooting star.
“Oh, how nice! I can make a wish! I want a woman who knows what she wants!”
The shooting star pauses briefly, then turns around.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
How do you tell you’ve had two dinosaurs in the fridge?

There are footprints in the butter.

Two tomatoes are walking across a street. One of them gets run over by a truck.
The first tomato looks at the gruesome scene and says: “Well, life’s not a petting zoo.”
Two milk cartons are sitting on a roof. Suddenly one milk carton throws the other down and says, “That’s what you get.” 
How can you tell you have an elephant in your bedroom?

By the big "E" on his pajamas.
What is small, grey and triangular?

The shadow of the green triangle!
Do unzipped files get embarrassed?

(Check out our Funny riddles)

A gummy bear sits on a power line and says to the other gummy bear, "brzzztbrzzztbbbbrzzztbrrrrzt"
What does a farmer say when he's looking for his tractor?
"Where is my tractor?"
At a farmer’s market stall:

Customer: Excuse me, is this tomato genetically modified?

Seller: Why do you want to know?

Tomato: Yeah, why do you want to know?
Two skyscrapers are sitting in the cellar, knitting gasoline.

Is there anything odd about this?

Of course – you can only crochet gasoline!
Q: What is blue and smells like red paint?
A: Blue paint.
What is yellow and cannot swim?
An excavator!
And why?
Because it only has one arm.

(Have a look at our Bad dad jokes section)
What is red and drifts over a desert?
A fart with a sunburn.

(More Fart jokes)
What is black, red, and golden and flies through the air?
A lady bug with a golden tooth.  
Two bunnies are sitting on a roof.

One bunny suggests, “Shall I throw you down?”

The second bunny replies, “Nope.”

Anti Joke - Bunnies on a roof

Where do cows like to go?
In a mooooseum.

(Check out our Dad jokes for kids)
“I’m touched,” said the dough and looked at me.
Photographer: “And will you want those pictures in color or black-and-white?”
Zebra: “Jerk!”

(More Good jokes that you can tell anyone)
Two fish meet. One says: “Blubb”.
A ball rolls around a corner and says, “Damn, I missed my bus.”  

 How many elephants fit into a submarine?
Twelve, because the doorbell is on the left side. 
Two sheep are sitting in a rubber boat in the middle of the ocean. A nothing floats along and passes by the boat.

One sheep remarks, “Did you see that?”

The other one says, “No…”

First sheep agrees, “Me neither.”
What does a skeleton say when he enters a bar?


(More One-liners)
What is green, small, hairy and has three white points?

Well - nothing, really.
A man goes with his daughter in a forest. “Look a mushroom!” points the dad.
The mushroom turns around and says, “So what?!”
Two walls meet at the corner.  
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Best Anti Jokes

Part 1 | Part 2

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