The Best of Black Humor / Dark Jokes
Evil, mean, morbid and sarcastic jokes, quite tasteless and lacking
Fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?
Just switch off the lights.
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was
charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I
had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it
took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
What do you
give an armless child for Christmas?
Nothing, he wouldn’t be able to open
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a
You can’t say that Hitler was bad through and through. He
did kill Hitler, after all.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to
your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have
any last requests?”
"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"
Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far!
catapult is really amazing. Go get our daughter!
Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick!
“You da bomb!”
“No, you da bomb!”
In America – a compliment.
In the Middle East – an argument.
Oh daddy, I love you so much!
Hey, until we get the DNA test, I’m
just Harry to you!
My butt hair is so long, it made it to the Guinness Book of Records. Not for
long though. They threw me out of the library pretty quickly.
At a first date:
He: “I work with animals every day!”
how sweet! What is it that you do?”
He: “I’m a butcher.”
Lena: “Darling, I really think it’s time we got another baby.”
Charles: “Oh I’m quite relieved you said that. The one we have is a real
pain in the neck!”
How can you tell your acne is really starting to get out of hand?
The blind start reading your face.
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