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Witty Remarks and Funny Sayings

The best first: Sometimes some people deserve a good high five, in the face, with a chair.
 Funny sayings

Cool and Funny Sayings

Amusing sayings, humorous quotes, funny proverbs, phrases, slogans, smart remarks for any occasion, witty wisdoms for fun and reflection.

My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not.

It is important to make breaks between individual exercises. I personally stick to breaks of about 3-4 years.
Sometimes I drink water - just to surprise my liver.
Hearing voices in your head is normal. Listening to them is quite common. Arguing with them – acceptable. It is only when you lose that argument that you get in real trouble.

Of course I have a talent. I'm really good in bed. Sometimes I sleep more than 9 hours in one go.

"If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to the height of your ego and jump down to your IQ level."
First rule of Sundays:
If you can’t reach it from your couch, you don’t need it.
According to my mirror I am pregnant. The father is Nutella.
... and out of the chaos, a sentence came to me:

"Laugh and be happy, it could be worse!"

... and so I laughed and was happy and it really became worse.
If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate?

Organized people are simply too lazy to search for stuff.
A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That gives hope to quite a few people.
Need something cool to say because you just slipped and fell?
“Yep, gravity still works!”
My relationship is like an iPad. I don't have an iPad.
I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. I am perfect.
If I can still lie on the ground without having to hold myself, I'm not drunk.
Do people talk about you behind your back? Simply fart.
They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes. I did the math. Seems I died in 1543.
As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me.
There are people who are a living proof that total brain failure does not always lead to physical death.
When somebody doesn’t get something:
I’m sorry, I have neither the patience, nor the coloring crayons to explain this to you.
I was sexually harassed at work by my boss. But I don’t really mind. I’m self-employed.
Finally, the spring is here! I'm so thrilled I wet my plants.
If you’re having a bad day, remember some adults wear braces.

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Funny Sayings

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