Funny Sayings and Quotes

Best first: I quite like the hurricane season. I can just put anything I don’t need anymore out on the balcony.
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Funny sayings and hilarious quotes. What a treasure to to dive into! Guaranteed to tickle your funny bone. But be aware: Those may cause uncontrollable laughter!

I’m all for irony, but the phrase “Good morning” seems to be going a bit too far.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not.
It is important to make breaks between individual exercises. I personally stick to breaks of about 3-4 years.
I don’t hate.

I ‘whatever’.
I’m not saying I’m overreacting. But there are good times and there are bad times to hand me a chain saw.
Funny Topmodel Resemblance
Promises are like babies… They’re fun to make but hard to deliver.
Are you unhappy? Are you alone? Fear not, the light is always on for you in the fridge.
Funny offence:

I think your parents shouldn't have built the swing that close to the wall.
How to part in style after having a row with your friend:
“I hope your pillow is warm on both sides in the summer!”
It's amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're going away.
First rule of Sundays:

If you can’t reach it from your couch, you don’t need it.
It is generally believed that talking with your mouth full is rude.

Personally, I find talking with your head empty much worse.
Stop smoking for good.
Smoke for evil!
According to my mirror I am pregnant. The father is Nutella.
I had loads to do today. Ah well, so now I have loads to do tomorrow.
If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate?
Poor Guy Joke

Every time a bird craps on my car, I go out on my terrace and eat some scrambled eggs. Just to show them who’s the boss.
My relationship is like an iPad.

I don't have an iPad.
What I say: I’m a family type.
What I mean: I eat roughly the same amount as an average family.
Anything done before the first coffee of the day could be classified as self-defense.  
Next: Funny Sayings Part 2 (Witty Remarks)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

See also: New Sayings | Shower Thoughts

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