Smart Jokes

Jokes for Smart People and Geeks

 Smart jokes are the best jokes, everyone knows that. So be ye IT smart, linguist smart, an overall smart fellow, a general know-it-all or simply enjoy a bit of a mental stretch in your jokes, welcome! We've got you covered.



I’ve been a naughty girl… I think I deserve punishment…” she said suggestively, biting her lip.

“As you say,” said he and installed Windows Vista on her laptop.

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Considering that most people get buried in suits, any zombie apocalypse is likely to be a rather formal affair.

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Three little pigs are sitting huddled in their little house, shivering with fear.

After much huffing and puffing, the door finally gives in and smashes and in walks the wolf.

“Shalom,” he greets the three little pigs.

“Oooof…,” sigh the three little pigs in relief.

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How many Schrödingers does it take to change a light bulb?
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You won’t know until you try.

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A public swimming pool.

Or, as I like to call it, homeopathic urinotherapy facility.

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Worst way to comfort a grammar Nazi?-
They’re, their.

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A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That gives hope to quite a few people.

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Christmas at the Schrödingers' was a rather awkward affair. Even days after Christmas, boxes were lying under the Christmas tree that nobody dared open.

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Chuck Norris can talk about the Fight Club.

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 Beethoven: So what up, guys? Are you ready for some serious symphonies?
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Excited crowd: YEEEAAAAHHHHH!!
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Beethoven: I can’t hear you!!!

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Mother: “Oh my Lord, your room is such a mess! Why are there so many things on the floor?”
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Son: “Come on mom, duh. Gravity.”

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God is dead. (Friedrich Nietzsche, 1882)

Nietzsche is dead. (God, 1900) 

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How do you like your eggs in the morning?
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Unfertilized.

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A woman is like an open book.

On advanced string theory. In Farsi. Printed in Braille. But yeah, it’s open.

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Some less known Chuck Norris factoids:

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris can make coal out of a diamond.

Chuck Norris found the last digit of Pi.

Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

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A distrainor rings the doorbell.

A voice comes from behind the door, “We’re not home.”

Distrainor: “Correct, not anymore you aren’t.”

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“I just don’t understand how somebody could guess my PIN number!”

“What was your PIN?”

The date the emperor Aizong of the Jin dynasty committed suicide, bringing about the end of the Jin Dynasty.”

“Wow, that sounds obscure enough, when was that?”

“In 1234.”

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Proper spelling and grammar is very important and for instance a coma can totally change the meaning of a statement.

Here’s an example:
 
"Travis is in a rush."
"Travis is in a coma."

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A chemist walks into a pharmacy and says, “Do you have acetylsalicylic acid, please?”

“You mean aspirin?” wonders the pharmacist.

“Ah yeah, aspirin, I can never remember that name!”

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An accused cannibal is trying to defend himself at court: “Your Honor, if it really is as they say, You are what you eat, then I must insist I am a perfectly innocent victim here!”

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Why are snails so slow?

Because if they weren’t, their eyes would be streaming behind them. 

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Tomato is a fruit, right?
Does that make ketchup a smoothie?

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Continue reading these awesome smart jokes:

Smart Jokes - Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

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