Smart Jokes and Sayings.
Smart jokes are the best jokes, everyone knows that. So be ye IT smart, linguist smart, an
overall smart fellow, a general know-it-all or
simply enjoy a bit of a mental stretch in your jokes, welcome! We've got
I’ve been a naughty girl… I think I
deserve punishment…” she said suggestively, biting her lip.
“As you say,” said he and installed Windows Vista on her
Considering that most people get buried in suits, any zombie apocalypse
is likely to be a rather formal affair.
Three little pigs are sitting huddled in their little house, shivering
After much huffing and puffing, the door finally
gives in and smashes and in walks the wolf.
“Shalom,” he greets
the three little pigs.
“Oooof…,” sigh the three little pigs in
How many Schrödingers does it take to change a light bulb?
know until you try.
A public swimming pool.
Or, as I like to call it, homeopathic
Worst way to comfort a grammar Nazi?-
A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million
years, surviving just fine without a brain. That gives hope to quite a
Christmas at the Schrödingers' was a rather
awkward affair. Even days after Christmas, boxes were lying under the
Christmas tree that nobody dared open.
Chuck Norris can talk about the Fight Club.
Beethoven: So what up, guys? Are you ready for some serious
Excited crowd: YEEEAAAAHHHHH!!
Beethoven: I can’t hear you!!!
Mother: “Oh my Lord, your room is such a mess!
Why are there so many things on the floor?”
Son: “Come on mom, duh. Gravity.”
God is dead. (Friedrich Nietzsche, 1882)
Nietzsche is dead. (God, 1900)
How do you like your eggs in the morning?
A woman is like an open book.
On advanced string theory. In Farsi.
Printed in Braille. But yeah, it’s open.
Some less known Chuck Norris factoids:
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris can make coal out of a diamond.
Chuck Norris found the
last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
A distrainor rings the doorbell.
A voice comes from behind the door, “We’re not home.”
Distrainor: “Correct, not anymore you aren’t.”
“I just don’t understand how somebody
could guess my PIN number!”
“What was your PIN?”
The date the emperor Aizong of the Jin dynasty committed suicide,
bringing about the end of the Jin Dynasty.”
“Wow, that sounds obscure enough, when was that?”
Proper spelling and grammar is very important and for
instance a coma can totally change the meaning of a statement.
Here’s an example:
"Travis is in a rush."
"Travis is in a coma."
A chemist walks into a pharmacy and says, “Do you have
acetylsalicylic acid, please?”
“You mean aspirin?” wonders the
“Ah yeah, aspirin, I can never remember that name!”
An accused cannibal is trying to defend himself at
court: “Your Honor, if it really is as they say, You are what you
eat, then I must insist I am a perfectly innocent victim here!”
Why are snails so slow?
Because if they weren’t, their eyes would be
streaming behind them.
Tomato is a fruit, right?
Does that make ketchup a
Continue reading these awesome smart jokes:
Smart Jokes - Part 1
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| Part 4
| Part 5
| Part 6
| Part 7