BEST DAD JOKES EVER
Those short dad jokes can get so bad, corny and cheesy that you
can't but laugh!
Dad Jokes Part 1 |
Part 2 |
New Dad JokesSee
also:
Best Puns |
Bad Jokes
What do you call somebody who keeps abandoning their diet plans?
-
A desserter.
Why did the calf cross the road?
It wanted to get to the udder
side.
I just finished my book on babies.
Seriously, next time, I’m just going to use the table.
Toilet paper plays an important role in my life.
What would you call an obese psychic?
-
A four-chin teller.
Why does Peter Pan fly all the time?
-
He Neverlands.
Why did the singer take a bucket to her choir practice?
-
She
needed something to carry her tune.
What to say to a hitch-hiker with just one leg?
Hop in.
When you think about it, forming meatballs is like stroking animals,
just a bit late.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
-
Columbus.
How do you make holy water? Freeze it into ice, then drill in some
holes.
Would you like to hear a construction joke?
[Yes]
Well I’m still working on it.
Corny Dad Jokes
Do you know how Moses makes his tea? Hebrews it!
If you ever feel cold, just go to the corner, there’s 90 degrees.
I read the other day that people eat more bananas than monkeys. No
surprises there, I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Jokes about unemployed people are not funny. They just don't work.
How much longer is the Amazonas compared to the Nile?
[Don't know]
By 4
letters.
They tested a revolutionary new blender.
They got mixed
results.
"What is a bunny without a carrot?"
-
"Hungry!"
Did you hear about the new movie constipation? It hasn’t come out yet.
Do you know how I embrace my mistakes?
-
I hug my wife and
children.
Did you know that UPS and Fedex are going into a merger? They will be
called Fed-Ups now.
I wanted to wear my camouflage jeans today but I just couldn’t find
them.
I don’t know why people have a problem with wigs. It’s a look anybody
can pull off!
How do you call a boat without a rope?
-
"Boat!"
Two penguins meet. One says, “Jesus it is cold today."
The other
hisses, “Shut up. Penguins can’t talk.”
Do you know the most important words that could open a lot of doors in
your life?
-
Push and Pull.
I’ve never liked speed bumps much. But I’m getting over it slowly.
I was a doctor for a while but then I quit. I simply didn’t have enough
patience.
I saw an expiration day on an anti-aging cream. Now that’s just a scam!
Have you heard that popular joke about sidewalks?
-
I’m
telling you, that thing’s all over town!
Why did the lights go out?
-
They liked each other a lot.
What would you call a female magician in the desert?
-
A
sandwich."
What type of candy is always late?
A chocolate.
They say whiskey isn’t an answer. But I say it’s worth a shot.
You may be an American when you go to the restroom. You may be an
American when you leave the restroom.
But when you’re in there?
European.
How many pears grow on a tree?
-
They all do.
Do you know why I
can’t be buried in a cemetery?”
[No]
“Because I’m still
alive.”
What do people like to wear in England?
-
Tea-shirts.
Dad Jokes Part 1 | Part 2 | New Dad Jokes
See
also: Best Puns |
Bad Jokes
