Best Dad Jokes List
Those dad jokes can get so bad, corny and cheesy that you can't but laugh!
Part 1 | Part 2 | New Dad Jokes
Best Dad Jokes
What is invisible and smells of carrots?
A little bunny’s fart.
What do you call a German entertainer?
-
A kraut-pleaser.
What is hairy, brown, and goes up and down?
-
A kiwi in an elevator.
Scientists found out that men with beard are more attractive than women with beard.
Do you know what my dream job is?
-
[NO]
-
Cashier. Women are literally lining up for you.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant in the elevator?
-
No? Me neither, I took the stairs.
Why is our nose right in the middle of our face?
-
Well, it is the scenter.
What would you call a clock covered in chocolate?
-
Food around the clock.
Why did the singer take a bucket to her choir practice?
-
She needed something to carry her tune.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
-
Columbus.
What is cold and stands under a street lamp?
-
A frostitute.
What does a house wear?
Address (a dress).
Super Funny Dad Jokes
What is blue and lies under a mushroom?
-
Smurf poop.
How do you make holy water? Freeze it into ice, then drill in some holes.
What fish is the best fighter?
-
The swordfish.
What is 5q + 5q?
[10q]
You're welcome!
Corny Dad Jokes
My doctor recommended that I eat more at Burger King.
What else could he mean when he told me I should eat less McDonald’s?
Would you like to hear a construction joke?
[Yes]
Well I’m still working on it.
Did you know that there’s not a single canary on Canary Islands?
-
And did you know that the same holds for the Virgin Islands?
-
Really, not a single canary.
Do you have a car – but no gas money?
-
Just fart in your wallet! Tadaaa – gas money!
Do you know what’s up?
-
The ceiling.
Do you feel cold?
Then go to the corner, there’s 90 degrees.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
-
Columbus.
Two walls arrange a date – “Let's meet at the corner.”
I read the other day that people eat more bananas than monkeys. No surprises there, I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Working in a crematorium, you can never urn a living.
What do you do when the phone rings and you get a private caller?
-
Don't answer that. Pick up for ranks Lieutenant and higher only.
How much longer is the Amazonas compared to the Nile?
[Don't know]
By 4 letters.
They are testing a revolutionary new blender, but they’re getting mixed results.
"What is a bunny without a carrot?"
-
"Hungry!"
Do you know how I embrace my mistakes?
-
I hug my wife and children.
A single glance tells me if somebody is lying. It’s the fact that they’re horizontal that gives it away.
"Good" Dad Jokes
What is red and goes up and down? A tomato in an elevator.
Did you know that UPS and Fedex are going into a merger? They will be called Fed-Ups now.
The hipster from next door drowned. He went ice skating before it was cool.
Not even orcas dare attack an octopus.
It’s too well armed.
Cannibals aren’t very sociable. They’re all fed up with people.
I don’t know why people have a problem with wigs. It’s a look anybody can pull off!
Bad Dad Jokes
Two cows meet, one says, "Mooooo!"
-
The other one is offended, "Hey, I just wanted to say that!"
How do you call a boat without a rope?
-
"Boat!"
Two penguins meet. One says, “Jesus it is cold today."
The other hisses, “Shut up. Penguins can’t talk.”
Why didn’t the Orange drive when the lights turned green again?
-
No juice!
Why was the toilet paper rolling down the hill?
-
It was in a rush to get to the bottom.
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