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Dad Jokes

A new one first: I just finished my book on babies.
Seriously, next time, I’m just going to use the table.
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Funny Dad jokes

 
Best Dad Jokes List


Those dad jokes can get so bad, corny and cheesy that you can't but laugh! 

Part 1 | Part 2 | New Dad Jokes

Best Dad Jokes


What is invisible and smells of carrots?

A little bunny’s fart.
What do you call a German entertainer?
-
A kraut-pleaser.

What is hairy, brown, and goes up and down?
-
A kiwi in an elevator.

Scientists found out that men with beard are more attractive than women with beard.
Do you know what my dream job is?
-
[NO]
-
Cashier. Women are literally lining up for you.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant in the elevator?
-
No? Me neither, I took the stairs.
Why is our nose right in the middle of our face?
 -
Well, it is the scenter.
What would you call a clock covered in chocolate?
-
Food around the clock.
Why did the singer take a bucket to her choir practice?
-
She needed something to carry her tune.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
-
Columbus.
What is cold and stands under a street lamp?
-
A frostitute.
What does a house wear?
 
Address (a dress).

Super Funny Dad Jokes


What is blue and lies under a mushroom?
-
Smurf poop.
How do you make holy water? Freeze it into ice, then drill in some holes.
Dad Joke Taxi
What fish is the best fighter?
-
The swordfish.
What is 5q + 5q?

[10q]

You're welcome!

Corny Dad Jokes


My doctor recommended that I eat more at Burger King.
What else could he mean when he told me I should eat less McDonald’s?
Would you like to hear a construction joke?

[Yes] 

Well I’m still working on it.
Did you know that there’s not a single canary on Canary Islands?
-
And did you know that the same holds for the Virgin Islands?
-
Really, not a single canary.
Do you have a car – but no gas money?
-
Just fart in your wallet! Tadaaa – gas money!
Do you know what’s up?
-
The ceiling.
Do you feel cold?

Then go to the corner, there’s 90 degrees.
Strange Dad Joke Arnold Bergheimer
Which bus went from Spain to America?
-
Columbus.

Two walls arrange a date – “Let's meet at the corner.”
I read the other day that people eat more bananas than monkeys. No surprises there, I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Working in a crematorium, you can never urn a living.
What do you do when the phone rings and you get a private caller?
-
Don't answer that. Pick up for ranks Lieutenant and higher only.
How much longer is the Amazonas compared to the Nile?

[Don't know]

By 4 letters.
Tomato Helicopter Humor

They are testing a revolutionary new blender, but they’re getting mixed results.
"What is a bunny without a carrot?"
 -
"Hungry!"

Did you hear about the new movie constipation? It hasn’t come out yet.
Do you know how I embrace my mistakes?
-
I hug my wife and children.
A single glance tells me if somebody is lying. It’s the fact that they’re horizontal that gives it away.

"Good" Dad Jokes


What is red and goes up and down? A tomato in an elevator.
Did you know that UPS and Fedex are going into a merger? They will be called Fed-Ups now.
Truck Funny

The hipster from next door drowned. He went ice skating before it was cool.
Not even orcas dare attack an octopus.

It’s too well armed.

I wanted to wear my camouflage jeans today but I just couldn’t find them.
Cannibals aren’t very sociable. They’re all fed up with people.
I don’t know why people have a problem with wigs. It’s a look anybody can pull off!
Bad Dad Joke

Bad Dad Jokes


Two cows meet, one says, "Mooooo!"
-
The other one is offended, "Hey, I just wanted to say that!"
How do you call a boat without a rope?
-
"Boat!"
Two penguins meet. One says, “Jesus it is cold today."

The other hisses, “Shut up. Penguins can’t talk.”
Why didn’t the Orange drive when the lights turned green again?
-
No juice!
Why was the toilet paper rolling down the hill?
-
It was in a rush to get to the bottom.

Next Part
of Dad Jokes

Part 1 | Part 2 | New Dad Jokes

See also: Bad Jokes





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