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Dad Jokes

The best first: What is red and juicy and round?
A lemon disguised as a strawberry.
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Best Dad Jokes List

Sometimes those dad jokes get so terrible, corny, bad, dumb and cheesy that you can't but laugh! 

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Do you know what makes me smile?
My facial muscles.
What is the worst combination of two sicknesses?
Diarrhea and Alzheimer. You’re running, but you don’t know where.
What is hairy, brown, and goes up and down?
A kiwi in an elevator.

Little Petra asks her dad at breakfast time, “Daddy, can you please teach me how to make eggs?”

Dad shakes his head, “Nope.”

“But why daddy? I want to learn!“

The dad winks at her, “I can’t teach you how to make eggs because I’m not a hen.”
Daddy what's a transvestite?
Ask Mommy, he knows.
Me, “Forgive me, but I'm really pissed off now!”

Dad, “Okay, you're forgiven.”
Wow, my pen can write hands-free! Isn’t that incredible??? It can write all sorts of other words, too!!!
Q: Is Google a he or a she?
A: A she, no doubt, because it won‘t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.
Today I went to a barber’s shop for a shave. The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth so he could get a closer shave around my cheeks.

I asked: “But what if I swallow the ball?”

He replied: “No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else.”
Reporter interviews a man: “Sir, you’ve lived next to this highway for 20 years, do you feel that it has somehow influenced you?”
The man: “NOOooooo, NOOoooo, NOOooo…”
What is cold and stands under a street lamp?
A frostitute.
Two hot dogs are walking down the street.
One suddenly turns to the other and says, “Mike! Your wiener is showing!“

Dad Joke Wiener

Problems sleeping? Cut the legs of your bed. You'll sleep deeper.
What does a house wear?
Address (a dress).
Which bus never drove on any street?

The globus.
What is blue and lies under a mushroom?
Smurf poop.
What type of candy is always late?

A chocolate.
Which table fits in the fridge?

What do you call an American Bee?

 What fish is the best fighter?
The swordfish.
What is 5q + 5q?


You're welcome!
I lost some weight last month. But now it found me again. 
Would you like to hear a construction joke?


Well I’m still working on it.
Do you know why I can’t be buried in a cemetery?”


“Because I’m still alive.”
I have a very secure job. There’s nobody else who would want it.

Dad Joke Job
Do you know what’s up?
The ceiling.
Do you feel cold?

Then go to the corner, there’s 90 degrees.
What did Arnold Bergheimer invent in 1928?
Nothing at all.

Dad Joke funny
Have you heard that popular joke about sidewalks?
I’m telling you, that thing’s all over town!
Dad Joke
Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I’d still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.
Dad on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach.
“That won’t help you, Joe, you know?”

“Oh it helps a lot. It’s the only way I can see the numbers!”
Do you know what’s cool?
"Honey, why did you build the child's bed so high?" - "We can hear it better if the child falls out."
How do you feel?
Wrong. You feel with your skin.
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See also: Bad Jokes

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