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Best Dad Jokes List

Best first: “Did you get a new haircut dad?” “No, I had them all cut, son.”
 Funny Dad jokes

Corny Dad Jokes

Sometimes those jokes get so terrible, bad, dumb and cheesy that you can't but laugh! 
Son: "Is this insecticide good for mosquitos?"

Dad: "Not at all, it kills them!"

“I’ll call you later!”
“Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”
“Are you alright dad?”'
“Actually, technically, I’m half left and half right.”
I lost some weight last month. But now it found me again.
We had to pull over to let an ambulance whizz by, sirens blaring. My dad was silent for a while and then commented, “I can’t see them selling much ice-cream at this speed.”
"Hey dad how was your weekend?" - "Light, dark, light, dark, Monday."
Dad to his son: "I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and dumb.
"Daughter to her dad: "What is it?"
Dad: “It” is a pronoun.
“Son, did you know I was named after Nikola Tesla?”
“But Dad, your name is Michael!”
“True, but I was named AFTER him.”
You: “So, dad, I was thinking…”

Dad: “Ohhhhh and I wondered what that high-pitched grinding sound was!”

Dad: Would you like to hear a construction joke?


Dad: Well I’m still working on it.
"We drove past a city cemetery and my dad remarked, “Do you know why I can’t be buried here, boy?”


“Because I’m still alive.”
Dad: I have a very secure job. There’s nobody else who would want it.
My dad is a gynecologist. He loves referring to himself as a private investigator.
Dad, I’m hungry!”

“Oh hello Hungry, I’m Dad!”

“But I’m really hungry!”

“And I’m really Dad.”
Daughter: “How do I look, daddy?!”
Dad: “With your eyes, sweetheart.”
They called me a fat loser in the gym. I mean, yes, that’s the point.
Yo Dad, what’s up?
The ceiling.
Dad, I’m cold!

Go to the corner, son, there’s 90 degrees.
I read the other day that people eat more bananas than monkeys. No surprises there, I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.
When somebody asks my dad how he feels, he always replies, „With my hands.“
Stop whining, you will never be the man your mother is.
My kids aren’t spoiled. They always smelled that way.
Father: Do you know the joke from the 3rd floor?
Son: “No,”
Father: Me neither, I was on the 2nd floor at the time.
Do you have a hole in your shoe? What do you mean, no? How did you get your foot in then?
They are testing a revolutionary new blender, but they’re getting mixed results.
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See also: Bad Jokes

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