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Dad Jokes

The best first: What is red and juicy and round?
-
A lemon disguised as a strawberry.
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Sometimes those dad jokes get so terrible, corny, bad, dumb and cheesy that you can't but laugh! 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | New Dad Jokes
Do you know what makes me smile?
-
My facial muscles.
What is the worst combination of two sicknesses?
-
Diarrhea and Alzheimer. You’re running, but you don’t know where.
What is hairy, brown, and goes up and down?
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A kiwi in an elevator.

Little Petra asks her dad at breakfast time, “Daddy, can you please teach me how to make eggs?”

Dad shakes his head, “Nope.”

“But why daddy? I want to learn!“

The dad winks at her, “I can’t teach you how to make eggs because I’m not a hen.”
Daddy what's a transvestite?
-
Ask Mommy, he knows.
Me, “Forgive me, but I'm really pissed off now!”

Dad, “Okay, you're forgiven.”
Wow, my pen can write hands-free! Isn’t that incredible??? It can write all sorts of other words, too!!!
Q: Is Google a he or a she?
 
A: A she, no doubt, because it won‘t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.
Today I went to a barber’s shop for a shave. The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth so he could get a closer shave around my cheeks.

I asked: “But what if I swallow the ball?”

He replied: “No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else.”
Reporter interviews a man: “Sir, you’ve lived next to this highway for 20 years, do you feel that it has somehow influenced you?”
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The man: “NOOooooo, NOOoooo, NOOooo…”
What is cold and stands under a street lamp?
-
A frostitute.
Two hot dogs are walking down the street.
-
One suddenly turns to the other and says, “Mike! Your wiener is showing!“

Dad Joke Wiener

Problems sleeping? Cut the legs of your bed. You'll sleep deeper.
What does a house wear?
 
Address (a dress).
Which bus never drove on any street?

The globus.
What is blue and lies under a mushroom?
-
Smurf poop.
What type of candy is always late?

A chocolate.
Which table fits in the fridge?

VegeTABLE.
What do you call an American Bee?

A USB.
 What fish is the best fighter?
-
The swordfish.
What is 5q + 5q?

[10q]

You're welcome!
I lost some weight last month. But now it found me again. 
Would you like to hear a construction joke?

[Yes] 

Well I’m still working on it.
Do you know why I can’t be buried in a cemetery?”

[No]

“Because I’m still alive.”
I have a very secure job. There’s nobody else who would want it.

Dad Joke Job
Do you know what’s up?
-
The ceiling.
Do you feel cold?

Then go to the corner, there’s 90 degrees.
What did Arnold Bergheimer invent in 1928?
-
Nothing at all.

Dad Joke funny
Have you heard that popular joke about sidewalks?
-
I’m telling you, that thing’s all over town!
Dad Joke
Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I’d still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.
Dad on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach.
 
“That won’t help you, Joe, you know?”

“Oh it helps a lot. It’s the only way I can see the numbers!”
Do you know what’s cool?
-
Winter.
"Honey, why did you build the child's bed so high?" - "We can hear it better if the child falls out."
How do you feel?
[Good]
Wrong. You feel with your skin.
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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | New Dad Jokes

See also: Bad Jokes





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