Dad Jokes

 


100+ Dad Jokes to Annoy Your Family



What do you call somebody who keeps abandoning their diet plans?
-
A desserter.

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I just finished my book on babies.
Seriously, next time, I’m just going to use the table.

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Toilet paper plays an important role in my life.

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My doctor recommended that I eat more at Burger King.

What else could he mean when he told me I should eat less McDonald’s?

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What is yellow and hurts if you get it in the eyes?
-
A school bus.

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What to say to a hitch-hiker with just one leg?

Hop in.

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When you think about it, forming meatballs is like stroking animals, just a bit late.

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"Honey, why did you build the child's bed so high?"
-
 "We can hear it better if the child falls out."

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Which bus went from Spain to America?
-
Columbus.

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Feeling amused? Explore our Puns section!

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What does a house wear?
 
Address (a dress).

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Would you like to hear a construction joke?

[Yes] 

Well I’m still working on it.

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Corny Dad Jokes

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Do you know how Moses makes his tea?
-
Hebrews it!

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Do you feel cold?
-
Just go to the corner, there’s 90 degrees.

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I read the other day that people eat more bananas than monkeys. No surprises there, I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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Jokes about unemployed people are not funny. They just don't work.

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What did one wall say to the other wall?
-
We’ll meet at the corner.

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How much longer is the Amazonas compared to the Nile?

[Don't know]

By 4 letters.

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They tested a revolutionary new blender. They got mixed results.

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"What is a bunny without a carrot?"
 -
"Hungry!"

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Did you hear about the new movie constipation? It hasn’t come out yet.

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Do you know how I embrace my mistakes?
-
I hug my wife and children.

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Did you know that UPS and Fedex are going into a merger? They will be called Fed-Ups now.

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I wanted to wear my camouflage jeans today but I just couldn’t find them.

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How do you call a boat without a rope?
-
"Boat!"

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Why do fish make such lousy tennis players?
-
They’re afraid of coming close to the net.

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Two penguins meet. One says, “Jesus it is cold today."

The other hisses, “Shut up. Penguins can’t talk.”

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Do you know the most important words that could open a lot of doors in your life?
-
Push and Pull.

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I’ve never liked speed bumps much. But I’m getting over it slowly.

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 I saw an expiration day on an anti-aging cream. Now that’s just a scam!

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Have you heard that popular joke about sidewalks?
-
I’m telling you, that thing’s all over town!

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What would you call a female magician in the desert?
-
A sandwich."

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What type of candy is always late?

A chocoLATE.

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It always takes two to create trouble in a marriage.
 
The wife and the mother-in-law.

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I sometimes feel like the 5th wheel in my family.
 
Which, of course, is the steering wheel.

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You may be an American when you go to the restroom. You may be an American when you leave the restroom.

But when you’re in there? European.

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How many pears grow on a tree?
-
They all do.

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Dad: “You know, it’s a good thing we aren’t Mexicans.”
-
Son: “What? Why?”
-
Dad: “Because we don’t know a word of Spanish.”

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Do you know why I can’t be buried in a cemetery?”

[No]

“Because I’m still alive.”

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What do people like to wear in England?
-
Tea-shirts.

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Dad Jokes Part 1 | Part 2 | New Dad Jokes
See also: Best Puns | Bad Jokes

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