Funny Sayings and Quotes

Funny sayings and hilarious quotes. What a treasure to to dive into! Guaranteed to tickle your funny bone. But be aware: Those may cause uncontrollable laughter!

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I’m all for irony, but the phrase “Good morning” seems to be going a bit too far.

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My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not.

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It is important to make breaks between individual exercises. I personally stick to breaks of about 3-4 years.

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I don’t hate.

I ‘whatever’.

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I’m not saying I’m overreacting. But there are good times and there are bad times to hand me a chain saw.

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Promises are like babies… They’re fun to make but hard to deliver.

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Are you unhappy? Are you alone? Fear not, the light is always on for you in the fridge.

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Funny offence:

I think your parents shouldn't have built the swing that close to the wall.

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How to part in style after having a row with your friend:
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“I hope your pillow is warm on both sides in the summer!”

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It's amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're going away.

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First rule of Sundays:

If you can’t reach it from your couch, you don’t need it.

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It is generally believed that talking with your mouth full is rude.

Personally, I find talking with your head empty much worse.

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Stop smoking for good.
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Smoke for evil!

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According to my mirror I am pregnant. The father is Nutella.

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I had loads to do today. Ah well, so now I have loads to do tomorrow.

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If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate?

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Every time a bird craps on my car, I go out on my terrace and eat some scrambled eggs. Just to show them who’s the boss.

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My relationship is like an iPad.

I don't have an iPad.

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What I say: I’m a family type.
 
What I mean: I eat roughly the same amount as an average family.

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Anything done before the first coffee of the day could be classified as self-defense.  

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Next: Funny Sayings Part 2 (Witty Remarks)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8



See also: New Sayings | Shower Thoughts