Jokes About Socialism

 

Jokes About Socialism, Soviet Union and Communism

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Lenin has never been seen drinking black tea. He firmly stuck to fruit blends. He believed all proper tea is immoral.

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Comrade President, our people are dying of hunger!”

“Release a statement we are radically reducing the number of people below poverty line!

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”Mathematics is the highest form of discrimination.

No number is equal to another!

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Jokes about communism are only good if everybody gets them.

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North Korea recently changed their volume measurement system. The liter is now only to be called the dear liter.

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1968 university entrance exam in the Soviet Union:

Do you love the communist party?

YES – 10 points.

NO – 10 years.

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What is socialism? A system which bravely and innovatively conquers barriers that wouldn’t be present in any other system.

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The seven wonders of communist/socialist countries:

1. Everybody has a job.

2. Even though everybody has a job – nobody’s working.

3. Even though nobody’s working – the quotas are being met at 110%.

4. Even though the quotas are being met at 110% – you can’t find anything worth a crap in the shops.

5. Even though you can’t find anything worth a crap in the shops – everybody has everything.

6. Even though everybody has everything – people are stealing everywhere.

7. Even though people are stealing everywhere – nothing is ever being missed.

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In a Soviet prison library:

I’m sorry, we don’t have the book you wanted. But we do have its author!

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What is the war-time Russian hamburger?

Two bread tickets with a meat ticket between them.

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Are you familiar with the Russian electric shaving machine?

You hold a piece of sandpaper to your face with one hand and then you stick two fingers of your other hand in the socket.

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If your country has serious problems, start a revolution!

Pretty soon you’ll realize you didn’t really have any problems at all.

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A Soviet space ship crash lands upon entering Earth’s atmosphere.

Only the captain and the ship’s carpenter survived.

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How many communists do you need to change a lightbulb?

Two hundred.

Ten to create a five-year plan to accomplish the task.

Ten to set up a state-owned factory to produce lightbulbs.

Twenty to work in the factory.

Fifty to establish a union and run union paper.

Ninety-nine to create a campaign proving the original lightbulb was destroyed by capitalists.

And one to nip quietly to the nearest imperialist country and buy a lightbulb on the sly.

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