Jokes About Socialism, Soviet Union and Communism
Lenin has never been seen drinking black tea. He firmly stuck
to fruit blends. He believed all proper tea is immoral.
Comrade President, our people are dying of hunger!”
“Release a
statement we are radically reducing the number of people below poverty
line!
”Mathematics is the highest form of discrimination.
No
number is equal to another!
Jokes about communism are
only good if everybody gets them.
North Korea
recently changed their volume measurement system. The liter is now
only to be called the dear liter.
1968 university entrance
exam in the Soviet Union:
Do you love the communist party?
YES – 10 points.
NO – 10 years.
What is
socialism? A system which bravely and innovatively conquers barriers
that wouldn’t be present in any other system.
The
seven wonders of communist/socialist countries:
1. Everybody
has a job.
2. Even though everybody has a job – nobody’s
working.
3. Even though nobody’s working – the quotas are being
met at 110%.
4. Even though the quotas are being met at 110% –
you can’t find anything worth a crap in the shops.
5. Even
though you can’t find anything worth a crap in the shops – everybody
has everything.
6. Even though everybody has everything –
people are stealing everywhere.
7. Even though people are
stealing everywhere – nothing is ever being missed.
In a Soviet prison library:
I’m sorry, we don’t have the book you wanted. But we do have
its author!
What is the
war-time Russian hamburger?
Two bread tickets with a meat
ticket between them.
Are you familiar with the
Russian electric shaving machine?
You hold a piece of sandpaper
to your face with one hand and then you stick two fingers of your
other hand in the socket.
If your country has serious
problems, start a revolution!
Pretty soon you’ll realize you didn’t
really have any problems at all.
A Soviet space ship crash lands upon entering Earth’s atmosphere.
Only the captain and the ship’s carpenter survived.
How many communists do you need to
change a lightbulb?
Two hundred.
Ten to create a
five-year plan to accomplish the task.
Ten to set up a
state-owned factory to produce lightbulbs.
Twenty to work in
the factory.
Fifty to establish a union and run union paper.
Ninety-nine to create a campaign proving the original lightbulb
was destroyed by capitalists.
And one to nip quietly to the
nearest imperialist country and buy a lightbulb on the sly.
