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Short and Funny Jokes! Hilarious One Liners!

The best first: When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
 

  
We believe that those are our best and funniest jokes:


Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?”
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We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.

Joke Bad Mother

A mother asks her son: "Anton, do you think I’m a bad mom?"
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Son: "My name is Paul."
Job interviewer: “And where would you see yourself in five years’ time Mr. Jeffries?"
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Mr. Jeffries: "Personally I believe my biggest weakness is in listening."
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”
A woman comes home late in the night and goes quietly in the bedroom.

To her surprise, she sees male and female feet peeking out from under the blanket.

Shocked and raging, she gets her baseball bat and beats and beats until all movement stops.

After that she goes into the living room and sees her husband laying on the sofa. He turns to her half asleep: "Oh, you're home, darling. I'm afraid we have to sleep here tonight, My parents came for a surprise visit."


I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.
An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.

First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asks: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.".

The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them."
What is dangerous?
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Sneezing while having diarrhea!
An eskimo brings his friend to his home for a visit. When they arrive, his friend asks, puzzled – “So where’s your igloo?”
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The friend replies “Oh no, I must’ve left the iron on…”
Doctor: You're obese.
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Patient: For that I definitely want a second opinion.
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Doctor: You’re quite ugly, too.
Two donkeys are standing at a roadside, one asks the other: So, shall we cross?
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The other shakes his head: No way, look at what happened to the zebra.
Mom, the kids are laughing at me, they say my teeth are too long!”
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“Oh shush, now you’ve scratched the whole floor again!”
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Oh no, I look like a pig!"

The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"
"Mom, where do tampons go?"

"Where the babies come from, darling."

"In the stork?"
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Funniest jokes of all times

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

See also: New jokes





 
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