Short and Funny Jokes
Newest entry: The teacher growls at Little Johnny,
“Is that bubble gum in your mouth?! In the trash can! Right now!”
Little Johnny, “The bubble gum too?”
Our most popular categories:
Top 100 | Our Best and Funniest Jokes
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet.
I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a
More in the category "Hilarious"
That bizarre moment when you pick up your car from the garage and
you realize that the breaks are still not working, but they made
your horn louder.
See the category "Clean jokes"
I had a dream where an evil queen forced me to eat a gigantic
When I woke up, my pillow was gone.
Check out our article "People who need a
Dentist: "You need a crown."
Patient: "Finally someone who understands me."
Do you like this one? Go to the category
A guest is ordering at a restaurant, “Do you think you could bring
me what that gentleman over there is having?”
The waiter looks at him sternly, “No sir, I’m very sure he intends
to eat it himself.”
Find more in the category "Jokes to
Husband looks at his wife in surprise, "Wow darling, you look all
different and nice today! Is that a new hairdo?"
The wife hisses from behind him, "I’m over here, Arnold!"
Discover our category "Senior Jokes"
Doctor: You're obese.
Patient: For that I definitely want a second opinion.
Doctor: You’re quite ugly, too.
Check out "Black Humor"
“Waiter, the steak smells very strongly of liquor!”
The waiter backs up 3 steps and asks, “How’s that now?”
Explore the category "Corny Jokes"
Find similar ones in the category
What’s the difference between spinach and boogers?
Kids don’t eat spinach.
You should see our category "Dad"
What makes fat male penguins such a hit with penguin females?
They sure know how to break the ice.
This kind of gems can be found among our
A chubbier woman: Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of
Mirror: “Kindly move aside. I can’t see anything.”
Perhaps you'd like to see more "Dark
When you put a bed in your bedroom – you have less bedroom.
Fascinating: "Shower Thoughts"
Recently I introduced two of my lisping friends to each other.
After a short but rough fist fight they realized that neither was
mocking the other one.
Have a look in "Black Humor"
My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do
you think you’ll be next?”
We settled this quickly once I started doing the same to them at
Maybe you take a peek at our
section "For Seniors"
A son asks his mother: Mom, the kids are laughing at me, they say my
teeth are too long!”
Mother replies: “Oh shush, now you’ve scratched the whole floor
We love "Dark Humor"
Two friends are talking:
My doctor told me I must stop playing football.
What?! Is he sure? Did he examine you properly?
Not really. But he did see me playing.
"Clean" doesn't mean it's not funny! Find
more in this section.
“Siri, why am I still single?!”
Siri activates front camera.
Explore the category "Black Humor"
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
Perfect! More in our "Kids" category
A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise
"Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look
"I am not Master Ayumu."
Find more like this one in "Black
Boy comes up to his father, all angry, "Dad, you remember how you
told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks? How you said it would
impress the girls?"
Father looks up, smiling, "Yeah, did it work?"
The boy screams, "You could have mentioned that the potato goes in
You might want our list of "Jokes to
Dentist warns his patient, “This might be a bit painful.”
Patient: “That’s OK, I’ll handle it.”
The dentist sighs, “For a while now, I’ve been having an affair with
Are you married?
You might enjoy the category "Marriage"!
Patient: Oh Doctor, I’m starting to forget things.
Doctor: Since when have you had this condition?
Patient: What condition?
Have a look at the category "For Seniors"
"OK, that's it, I'm leaving you! You're SO childish!"
"Well, good luck with that - because the floor is lava!"
Try out our category "Bad"
How can you tell your acne is really starting to get out of hand?
The blind start reading your face.
Delve into "Dark Humor"
A clairvoyant to a man, “I can see you are the father of 3 kids.”
The man smiles smugly, “No, I have 4 kids.”
The clairvoyant, “That’s what you think.”
Check out the category
Wife, “Honey, soon there will be 3 of us here! Isn’t that great?”
Husband, “Oh darling, that is simply wonderful!!!”
Wife, “I’m so happy you react that way! I did tell my mom you won’t
mind her moving in!”
great jokes in our "Marriage" category
Years ago, I threw away a boomerang really hard.
I’ve lived in constant fear since.
See more in our "Clean Jokes"
I lent my girlfriend a lot of money for cosmetic surgery a while
ago. I’ve been trying to get it back now for weeks.
Problem is, I’ve no idea what she looks like now.
Dig into the "Bad" category
On a mountain trip a man falls down into a crack. His wife calls
after him, “Are you OK?”
“Are you hurt?”
“Not a scratch? How come?!“
“I’m not done falling yet-et-et-et-et!”
You might like our "Anti-Humor" category
Take a look at our "Kids" category
Policeman: I'm very sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit
by a bus.
Man: I’m aware of that, but Karen has a wonderful personality.
There's more in the category
Where do we get virgin wool from?
More "Dad Jokes"?
I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $855
to cover the loss.
I’m starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with
Go to "For Seniors" and laugh a bit more
Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where
you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!
Check out the category "Good"
99,8% people have problems with math.
I’m glad I’m in the remaining 1%.
Go to the "Bad" category and see if it's any
What is invisible and smells of worms?
A bird’s fart.
We have the best "One-Liners"
A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: “My husband
is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes
and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!”
Psychiatrist: “Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.“
If you like this one, you might enjoy our
It has four legs and it can fly, what is it?
A pair of birds.
Typical "Dad" - and there's more...
Little Red Riding Hood walks all alone through the deep dark wood.
Suddenly she hears rustling in a thick bush. Cautiously she moves
the branches aside and finds herself facing the big bad wolf.
"Oh, Big Bad Wolf, why do you have such huge red eyes?"
"Go away! I'm crapping!"
Catch some good ones in "The List"
I haven’t been sleeping well recently. Well, that's it for my last
Care to explore more "Funny Sayings"?
Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far!
Yeah, the catapult is really amazing. Go get our daughter!
Read stronger ones in "Dark Humor"
Many people are shocked when they found out how bad I actually am at
this electrician thing.
Go through our "Puns"! You will love it.
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler?
Just the Rottweiler.
We have more in the category "Dry"
Our "Kids" section is worth a visit
A husband and a wife are having dinner at a nice restaurant. The
woman drops some tomato sauce on her white top. "Oh no, I look like
The man nods, "Also, you dropped some tomato sauce on your shirt!"
Browse through our
"Double Meaning" category!
My girlfriend asked me to tell her all my previous girlfriends,
chronologically. From beginning to end.
OK. I probably should have finished when I got to her name.
Our "Smile" section might make you ...
Need cheering up? Start a fight with somebody when they have the
Read more "One-Liners"
I have to eat an earth worm every day so I don’t die. I’m very
grateful to my brother for pointing this out to me 30 years ago when
we were little.
We have a "Cute" section
What is the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
You know you laughed. Find more in our
Police: “Open the door!”
Man: “I don’t want any balls!”
Police: “What? We don’t have balls!”
Man: “I know.”
Not for everybody: check our "Corny"
A boy and his father go together for a boys’ day out at the
“Daddy, I don't like how that gorilla's looking at me from behind
that glass, she's quite scary!” says the boy.
“Shush, Jason!!!! This is still only the ticket office!”
"Black Humor" is not for the
Mr. Smith: “Doctor, do you remember this strengthening solution you
prescribed me yesterday?”
Doctor: “Yes, what’s the matter?”
Mr. Smith: “I would like to use it but I can’t open the bottle!”
Our list "For Seniors" is great,
if a bit on the dark side. Check it out.
“Will marry me?”
2 hours of uncomfortable silence in the hot air balloon.
Find more in the
I called my math teacher at 3 o’clock in the morning. He wasn’t
counting with that!“
Our "Double meaning" list
might be perfect for you
More "Funny Riddles"
Darling, I think the new dryer is shrinking my clothes.”
“No, sweetie, that was the fridge.”
See the category "Dad"
“Daddy, what is an alcoholic?”
“Do you see those 4 trees, son? An alcoholic would see 8 trees.”
“Um, Dad – there are only 2 trees.”
Check out our category "Good"
Waiter, there’s a fly twitching in my soup!”
“And what do you expect for the price? A ballet?!”
Find more in the "Hilarious" section
On a first date:
Man: “When I see your smile I wish we could see each other more
Woman: “Oh, you’re so charming, George…”
Man: “Not really, I’m a dentist.”
Don't go to our "Redneck" section. We
Patient: Doctor help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I
get this intense stinging in my eye.
Doctor: I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking.
You might want to visit the "Bad" list Men 1845: I just killed a buffalo.
Men 1952: I just fixed the roof.
Men 2021: I just shaved my legs.
You might enjoy more of our
A dung beetle goes into a bar and asks, "Yo, is this stool taken?"
Puns are just great. Click if you agree!
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in,
talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”
One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”
So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from
"Jokes to Tell"
Explore the "For Seniors" area
The inventor of Auto Correct is a stupid mass hole. He can fake
might enjoy our "Geek" section. A naked woman robbed a bank. Nobody could remember her face.
Discover more in the "Dry" category
Mama kangaroo is jumping along the bush. Suddenly, a small penguin
peeks out of her pouch, vomits and says, “Damn this student
Find more in our "Kids" segment
“My wife suffers from a drinking problem.”
“Oh is she an alcoholic?”
“No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”
See more in our category
Yes, we have them in our
Why is women’s soccer so rare?
It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same
More "Good" ones?
Wife calls her mother: "Today I fought so much with my husband. I am
coming to live with you again.
Mother: "No. He should pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with
Our "Marriage" segment
tells it like it is
I was making Russian tea. Unfortunately I cannot fish the
teabag out of the vodka bottle.
Let's see if we can make you "Smile"
Doctor: “I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your
Patient: “Great, how often do I have to take it?”
Doctor: “Every two hours.”
Explore our "Bad" list
Why did my washing machine stop pumping out water?
And more importantly, where is my hamster?
More "Dark Humor"?
Guest at a restaurant: “I refuse to eat this roast beef. Please call
the manager! “
Waiter: “That’s no use. He won’t eat it either.”
Click here, it will be "Hilarious"
I thought I’d tell you a good time travel joke – but you didn't like
You'll love our "Clean" ones
So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we’re having a baby.
For instance my name, address and telephone number!
Try our "Dad" category
“You are so kind, funny and beautiful.”
“Oh come on. You just want to get me to bed.”
“And smart, too!”
Find more like this in the "Corny" section
What do politicians and diapers have in common?
Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.
There are more "Good" ones - right here
Yes, we have a "Cute" section
I was picking up my girl. Her dad looked at me very sternly and
said, "I want her home by midnight, young man!"
I said, "What do you mean? You already own her home!"
Are you a fan of "Double
meanings"? Click here!
Do you know why women aren’t allowed in space?
To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!"
"What is the problem?"
"Yeah, great, pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!"
There's more bitterness to
be found in the "Marriage" category.
Me and my wife, we've decided that we don't want to have children.
So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address
and we will bring you one.
Find similar gems in our "Bad" section
How do you know the ocean greets you? - It waves.
Discover the best "Puns"!
A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the
road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her,
holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”
The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know the woman!”
Find your match in
our "Marriage" department
Yesterday I learned that 20 piranhas can strip all flesh off a man
within 15 minutes.
Peter (26), just lost his job at the local swimming pool.
It's all about "Perspective", isn't
Check out our "Anti" category
French people struggling to say “Happiness” in public. (Try it with
a thick French accent.)
It may not be tasteful, but it's "Good"!
Doctor says to his patient: "You have cancer and Alzheimer."
Patient: "At least I don't have cancer."
You might like our "Dark" side...
I should have been more suspicious when the Chinese guy offered to
“wok my dog for me”…
There are jokes so Dark, they're practically
Did you hear about the new movie constipation?
It hasn’t come out yet.
The whole family laughs with the "Dad"
section. Even if they don't.
My wife whispered in my ear today that she’s not wearing any
underwear. Oh boy, now she’s already growing forgetful.
Yes, there's more in the
How do you rob a snowman?
With a hairdryer.
Click and check out the "Cute" department
My wife divorced me recently because I’m a compulsive gambler. All I
can think about now is how to win her back.
Fun with "Double
Meanings". Check it out!
Why haven’t you ever seen any elephants hiding up trees? Because
they’re really, really good at it.
More "Anti"? Only a click away!
We have a strange custom in our office. The food has names there.
Yesterday for example I got a sandwich out of the fridge and its
name was "Michael".
Great "Funny Sayings"
Why did the surgeon not like the movie?
It was the uncut version.
Don't miss out our "Dad" section!
What do you get when you crossbreed a dog and a white shark?
Trouble with the postman.
Find more jokes so Dry, they practically
I received another letter from some lawyer yesterday. It had “Final
Notice” written on the envelope. Good. They won’t be bothering me
Don't stop here. Check out all our