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Short and Funny Jokes

Best joke first: A Japanese student: "Master Aykodo, why do Europeans think we look all the same?"
The master replied: "I'm not master Aykodo."
Our funniest categories:

Our Funniest Short Jokes
(Top 100)


When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.


A guest is ordering at a restaurant, “Do you think you could bring me what that gentleman over there is having?”
The waiter looks at him sternly, “No sir, I’m very sure he intends to eat it himself.”


I had a dream where an evil queen forced me to eat a gigantic marshmallow.

When I woke up, my pillow was gone.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.


What’s the difference between spinach and boogers?

Kids don’t eat spinach.


Two friends are talking:

My doctor told me I must stop playing football.
What?! Is he sure? Did he examine you properly?
Not really. But he did see me playing.


A man asks his iPhone:
“Siri, why am I still single?!”
Siri activates front camera.


Dentist: "You need a crown."
Patient: "Finally someone who understands me."

Wife: "OK, that's it, I'm leaving you! You're SO childish!"

Husband: "Well, good luck with that - because the floor is lava!"


A clairvoyant to a man, “I can see you are the father of 3 kids.”
The man smiles smugly, “No, I have 4 kids.”
The clairvoyant, “That’s what you think.”


Years ago, I threw away a boomerang really hard.
I’ve lived in constant fear since.

On a mountain trip a man falls down into a crack. His wife calls after him, “Are you OK?”
“Are you hurt?”
“Not a scratch? How come?!“
“I’m not done falling yet-et-et-et-et!”


Where do we get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.


Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!


It has four legs and it can fly, what is it?
A pair of birds.


Little Red Riding Hood walks all alone through the deep dark wood. Suddenly she hears rustling in a thick bush. Cautiously she moves the branches aside and finds herself facing the big bad wolf.

"Oh, Big Bad Wolf, why do you have such huge red eyes?"

"Go away! I'm crapping!"


Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far!
Yeah, the catapult is really amazing. Go get our daughter!


A husband and a wife are having dinner at a nice restaurant. The woman drops some tomato sauce on her white top. "Oh no, I look like a pig!"

The man nods, "Also, you dropped some tomato sauce on your shirt!"


What is the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?


Waiter, there’s a fly twitching in my soup!”
“And what do you expect for the price? A ballet?!”


A dung beetle goes into a bar and asks, "Yo, is this stool taken?"


Why is women’s soccer so rare?
It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.


What do politicians and diapers have in common?
Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.


A teenager was picking up his girlfriend. Her dad looked at him very sternly and said, "I want her home by midnight, young man!"
The teenager said, "What do you mean? You already own her home!"


Humorous Parrot


You could view the huge cross on the cover of the Holy Bible as a bigtime spoiler…

What do you get when you crossbreed a dog and a white shark?
Trouble with the postman.


A son asks his mother: Mom, the kids are laughing at me, they say my teeth are too long!”
Mother replies: “Oh shush, now you’ve scratched the whole floor again!”


Can I tell you a good time travel joke?

You didn't like it.
Part 2
Best Short Jokes (Top 100)

Part 1 | Part 2

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