The following jokes made me laugh many times:
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think
it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife
on a date.
A guest is ordering at a restaurant, “Do you think
you could bring me what that gentleman over there is having?”
-
The waiter looks at him sternly, “No sir, I’m very sure he intends to
eat it himself.”
I had a dream where an evil queen forced me to eat a gigantic
marshmallow.
When I woke up, my pillow was gone.
A Japanese student: "Master Aykodo, why do Europeans think
we look all the same?"
-
The master replied: "I'm not master
Aykodo."
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a
house?
-
Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
A man asks his iPhone:
“Siri, why am I still single?!”
-
Siri activates front camera.
My
boss told me that I don’t know my boundaries. So I fired him.
Wife:
"OK, that's it, I'm leaving you! You're SO childish!"
Husband:
"Well, good luck with that - because the floor is lava!"
A clairvoyant to a man, “I can see you are the father of 3 kids.”
-
The man smiles smugly, “No, I have 4 kids.”
-
The clairvoyant, “That’s what you think.”
Years ago, I threw away a boomerang really hard.
I’ve lived in constant fear since.
On a mountain trip a man falls down into a
crack. His wife calls after him, “Are you OK?”
-
“Yeah!”
-
“Are you hurt?”
-
“No!”
-
“Not a scratch? How come?!“
-
“I’m not done falling yet-et-et-et-et!”
Where do we get virgin wool from?
-
Ugly
sheep.
Coco Chanel once said that you should put
perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does
that burn!
It has four legs and it can fly, what is it?
-
A pair of birds.
Little Red Riding Hood walks all alone through
the deep dark wood. Suddenly she hears rustling in a thick bush.
Cautiously she moves the branches aside and finds herself facing the
big bad wolf.
"Oh, Big Bad Wolf, why do you have such huge red
eyes?"
-
"Go away! I'm crapping!"
Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go
that far!
-
Yeah, the catapult is really amazing. Go get our
daughter!
A husband and a wife are having dinner at a
nice restaurant. The woman drops some tomato sauce on her white top.
"Oh no, I look like a pig!"
The man nods, "Also, you dropped
some tomato sauce on your shirt!"
Next: Part
2 (Hilarious)
Part 1 |
Part 2 |
Part 3 |
Part 4 |
Part 5
