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Short and Funny Jokes

Best joke first: A Japanese student: "Master Aykodo, why do Europeans think we look all the same?"
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The master replied: "I'm not master Aykodo."
Our funniest categories:
 

Our Funniest Short Jokes
(Top 100)

2.

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

 3.

A guest is ordering at a restaurant, “Do you think you could bring me what that gentleman over there is having?”
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The waiter looks at him sternly, “No sir, I’m very sure he intends to eat it himself.”


4.

I had a dream where an evil queen forced me to eat a gigantic marshmallow.

When I woke up, my pillow was gone.
5.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
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Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

6.

What’s the difference between spinach and boogers?

Kids don’t eat spinach.

7.

Two friends are talking:

My doctor told me I must stop playing football.
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What?! Is he sure? Did he examine you properly?
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Not really. But he did see me playing.

8.

A man asks his iPhone:
“Siri, why am I still single?!”
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Siri activates front camera.

9.

Dentist: "You need a crown."
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Patient: "Finally someone who understands me."
10.


Wife: "OK, that's it, I'm leaving you! You're SO childish!"

Husband: "Well, good luck with that - because the floor is lava!"

11.

A clairvoyant to a man, “I can see you are the father of 3 kids.”
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The man smiles smugly, “No, I have 4 kids.”
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The clairvoyant, “That’s what you think.”

12.

Years ago, I threw away a boomerang really hard.
 
I’ve lived in constant fear since.
13.

On a mountain trip a man falls down into a crack. His wife calls after him, “Are you OK?”
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“Yeah!”
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“Are you hurt?”
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“No!”
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“Not a scratch? How come?!“
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“I’m not done falling yet-et-et-et-et!”

14.

Where do we get virgin wool from?
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Ugly sheep.

15.

Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!

16.

It has four legs and it can fly, what is it?
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A pair of birds.

17.

Little Red Riding Hood walks all alone through the deep dark wood. Suddenly she hears rustling in a thick bush. Cautiously she moves the branches aside and finds herself facing the big bad wolf.

"Oh, Big Bad Wolf, why do you have such huge red eyes?"

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"Go away! I'm crapping!"

18.

Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far!
 -
Yeah, the catapult is really amazing. Go get our daughter!

19.

A husband and a wife are having dinner at a nice restaurant. The woman drops some tomato sauce on her white top. "Oh no, I look like a pig!"

The man nods, "Also, you dropped some tomato sauce on your shirt!"

20.

What is the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
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Snowballs.

21.

Waiter, there’s a fly twitching in my soup!”
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“And what do you expect for the price? A ballet?!”

22.

A dung beetle goes into a bar and asks, "Yo, is this stool taken?"


23.

Why is women’s soccer so rare?
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It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.

24.

What do politicians and diapers have in common?
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Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.

25.

A teenager was picking up his girlfriend. Her dad looked at him very sternly and said, "I want her home by midnight, young man!"
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The teenager said, "What do you mean? You already own her home!"

26.

Humorous Parrot

27.

You could view the huge cross on the cover of the Holy Bible as a bigtime spoiler…
28.

What do you get when you crossbreed a dog and a white shark?
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Trouble with the postman.

29.

A son asks his mother: Mom, the kids are laughing at me, they say my teeth are too long!”
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Mother replies: “Oh shush, now you’ve scratched the whole floor again!”

30.

Can I tell you a good time travel joke?
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[yes]

You didn't like it.
Part 2
Best Short Jokes (Top 100)

Part 1 | Part 2





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