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Short and Funny Jokes! Hilarious One Liners!

Best first: When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
 

  
Funniest jokes, quotes and sayings:


Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
-
Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine."
What is grey and can't fly?
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A fat pigeon
Why isn't the military accepting karate pros?
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Because when they salute they might kill themselves.
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
Joke Bad Mother

 Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother?

My name is Paul.
What is black, sits in a tree and is very dangerous?
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A raven with a machine gun.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
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Snowballs.


Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"

Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"

Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"

Patrick: "What school?"
Mama kangaroo is jumping along the bush. Suddenly, a small penguin peeks out of her pouch, vomits and says, “Damn this student exchange!”
How to kill a male walrus?
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Point to his chest and say, “You've got something there!”
Five out of six people declare Russian roulette to be perfectly safe.
"Mom, where do tampons go?"

"Where the babies come from, darling."

"In the stork?"

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Funniest jokes of all times

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