Our Funniest Short Jokes
(Top 100)
2.
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think
it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife
on a date.
3.
A guest is ordering at a restaurant, “Do you think
you could bring me what that gentleman over there is having?”
-
The waiter looks at him sternly, “No sir, I’m very sure he intends to
eat it himself.”
4.
I had a dream where an evil queen forced me to eat a gigantic
marshmallow.
When I woke up, my pillow was gone.
5.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
-
Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
6.
What’s the difference between spinach and boogers?
Kids don’t eat spinach.
7.
Two friends are talking:
My doctor told me I must stop playing football.
-
What?! Is he sure? Did he examine you properly?
-
Not really. But he did see me playing.
8.
A man asks his iPhone:
“Siri, why am I still single?!”
-
Siri activates front camera.
9.
Dentist: "You need a crown."
-
Patient: "Finally someone who understands me."
10.
Wife:
"OK, that's it, I'm leaving you! You're SO childish!"
Husband:
"Well, good luck with that - because the floor is lava!"
11.
A clairvoyant to a man, “I can see you are the father of 3 kids.”
-
The man smiles smugly, “No, I have 4 kids.”
-
The clairvoyant, “That’s what you think.”
12.
Years ago, I threw away a boomerang really hard.
I’ve lived in constant fear since.
13.
On a mountain trip a man falls down into a
crack. His wife calls after him, “Are you OK?”
-
“Yeah!”
-
“Are you hurt?”
-
“No!”
-
“Not a scratch? How come?!“
-
“I’m not done falling yet-et-et-et-et!”
14.
Where do we get virgin wool from?
-
Ugly
sheep.
15.
Coco Chanel once said that you should put
perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does
that burn!
16.
It has four legs and it can fly, what is it?
-
A pair of birds.
17.
Little Red Riding Hood walks all alone through
the deep dark wood. Suddenly she hears rustling in a thick bush.
Cautiously she moves the branches aside and finds herself facing the
big bad wolf.
"Oh, Big Bad Wolf, why do you have such huge red
eyes?"
-
"Go away! I'm crapping!"
18.
Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go
that far!
-
Yeah, the catapult is really amazing. Go get our
daughter!
19.
A husband and a wife are having dinner at a
nice restaurant. The woman drops some tomato sauce on her white top.
"Oh no, I look like a pig!"
The man nods, "Also, you dropped
some tomato sauce on your shirt!"
20.
What is the difference between a snowman and a
snow woman?
-
Snowballs.
21.
Waiter, there’s a fly twitching in my soup!”
-
“And what do you expect for the price? A ballet?!”
22.
A dung beetle goes into a bar and asks, "Yo, is
this stool taken?"
23.
Why is women’s soccer so rare?
-
It’s
quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
24.
What do politicians and diapers have in common?
-
Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same
reason.
25.
A teenager
was picking up his girlfriend. Her dad looked at him very sternly and
said, "I want her home by midnight, young man!"
-
The teenager
said, "What do you mean? You already own her home!"
26.
27.
You could view the huge cross on
the cover of the Holy Bible as a bigtime spoiler…
28.
What do you get when you crossbreed a dog and a
white shark?
-
Trouble with the postman.
29.
A son asks his mother: Mom, the kids are
laughing at me, they say my teeth are too long!”
-
Mother
replies: “Oh shush, now you’ve scratched the whole floor again!”
30.
Can I tell you a good time travel joke?
-
[yes]
You didn't like it.
Part 2
Best Short Jokes (Top 100)
Part 1
|
Part 2
