Short and Funny Jokes

Funniest first: What’s the difference between spinach and boogers?

Kids don’t eat spinach.
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The following jokes made me laugh many times:

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

A guest is ordering at a restaurant, “Do you think you could bring me what that gentleman over there is having?”
The waiter looks at him sternly, “No sir, I’m very sure he intends to eat it himself.”

I had a dream where an evil queen forced me to eat a gigantic marshmallow.

When I woke up, my pillow was gone.
A Japanese student: "Master Aykodo, why do Europeans think we look all the same?"
The master replied: "I'm not master Aykodo."
Funny joke with two donkeys

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
A man asks his iPhone:
“Siri, why am I still single?!”
Siri activates front camera.

My boss told me that I don’t know my boundaries. So I fired him.
Wife: "OK, that's it, I'm leaving you! You're SO childish!"

Husband: "Well, good luck with that - because the floor is lava!"

A clairvoyant to a man, “I can see you are the father of 3 kids.”
The man smiles smugly, “No, I have 4 kids.”
The clairvoyant, “That’s what you think.”

Years ago, I threw away a boomerang really hard.
I’ve lived in constant fear since.
On a mountain trip a man falls down into a crack. His wife calls after him, “Are you OK?”
“Are you hurt?”
“Not a scratch? How come?!“
“I’m not done falling yet-et-et-et-et!”

Where do we get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.
Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!

It has four legs and it can fly, what is it?
A pair of birds.

Little Red Riding Hood walks all alone through the deep dark wood. Suddenly she hears rustling in a thick bush. Cautiously she moves the branches aside and finds herself facing the big bad wolf.

"Oh, Big Bad Wolf, why do you have such huge red eyes?"

"Go away! I'm crapping!"

Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far!
Yeah, the catapult is really amazing. Go get our daughter!

A husband and a wife are having dinner at a nice restaurant. The woman drops some tomato sauce on her white top. "Oh no, I look like a pig!"

The man nods, "Also, you dropped some tomato sauce on your shirt!"

  Next: Part 2 (Hilarious)
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