Short Bad Jokes

Best first: What sits up a tree and goes "Aaaaaah"? An owl with a speech impediment.
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Man with a megaphone telling bad one-liners

The Hall of Shame: Most Horrible Jokes

Woman calls the police: “Is it the police I'm with.”
Police officer: “If you are with the police why would you call here?”
A man sees a shooting star.
“Oh, how nice! I can make a wish! I want a woman who knows what she wants!”
The shooting star pauses briefly, then turns around.
Do you know what were my grandpa’s last words before he kicked the bucket?
How far do you think I can kick this bucket here?

Why is the butt divided vertically and not horizontally?
Answer: It would keep clapping if you ran down the stairs. Ok, now stop imagining it. 
Why is it a bad idea to play poker with a jungle cat?

Chances are it is a cheetah.
What are the last words of a highly poisonous snake?
"Drat, I bit myself on the tongue!"
Feeling amused? Explore our Puns section!
One friend to another:

Why are you giving me an apricot?
I heard there’s no way you can get a date.
At a psychologist:

Man: “I'm in love with my horse.”
Psychologist: “Is it a male horse?”
Man: “What the… No! Of course not! That would be disgusting!”
Two undies meet, one says to the other, "Hey, have you been on holiday? You got so brown!"
Patient: "How long do I have to live?"
Doctor: "Hm, how could I break it to you? Well, I wouldn't buy a ticket to the cinema anymore."
Check out our Anti-Jokes
“My wife loves cats. But she’s got 40 of them and they cause a gruesome smell in our flat.”
“I guess you should air more often to battle that.”
“No can do, if we opened the windows, my 150 pigeons would fly away”
Cliffhanger endings are incredibly frustrating. They just
I started an affair with a blind woman. It took me a while before I could imitate her husbands voice.
My friend was planning to get a Labrador. Is he mad?! Hasn’t he seen how many of their owners go blind?!”

Being a 24-year-old virgin sucked, I’m glad nobody can say that about me anymore.
I’m 25 now.
Two gangsters are about to break out of prison. The first one jumps off a wall into a trash container.

The guard shouts, "Who’s there?"

Gangster replies, "MEOOOOOOW!"

The guard is relieved, "Ah ok, just a cat."

Then the second gangster jumps.

The guard gets suspicious, "Hello, anybody there?"

The second gangster yells, "Nah, just the cat again!"
A horse goes into a bar.
Barkeeper: "Why such a long face?"
Where do we get virgin wool from?

Ugly sheep.
 Next: Bad Jokes Part 2 (Weirdly Funny)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6  Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

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