My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
Daughter: „Mom, can I get a cat or a dog at Christmas, please?“
Mom: „No honey, you will be getting turkey, like every Christmas!“
My socks got really holy. I can only wear them to church.
Whenever I undress in the bathroom, my shower gets turned on.
I got my girlfriend a “Get better soon” card.
She’s not ill or
anything, but she could definitely get better.
Two underpans meet for a beer.
“Why are you so brown?”
“Don’t ask. It was a really crappy week.”
If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?
I Googled "how to start a wildfire".
I got 48,500 matches.
A patient bursts into a doctor’s office, "Doctor, I believe I'm a deck of
The doctor calmly replies, "Go sit in the waiting room,
please, I'll be dealing with you later."
A Spanish magician has a grand magical show and at the end he says he
will disappear after counting to three. He starts to count, “Un, dos…”
Kazaam! He vanished without a tres.
This gravity joke is getting a bit old, but I fall for it every time.
A guy was admitted to hospital with 8 plastic horses in his stomach.
His condition is now stable.
Why did the balloon go near the needle?
He wanted to be a pop star.
I was hoping to steal some leftovers from the party but I guess my plans
My cousin, a magician, decided to incorporate the use of trapdoors in
his shows. But I think it’s just a stage he’s going through.
I got very lonely lately, so I bought some shares.
nicer having some company.
Which country’s capital is the fastest growing?
Every year it’s Dublin.
Why was the chef arrested?
He was beating eggs every day.
”Never date cross eyed people. They might be seeing somebody on the side!
Apparently taking a day off is not something you should do when you work
for a calendar company.
of Best Puns
| Part 6
| Part 8
| New Puns