Really Funny One Liners
Read those really good short jokes and find yourself laughing like a
What do you get when you wake up on a workday and realize you ran out of
I used to breed rabbits. Then I realized they can handle it themselves.
My dog is an awesome fashion adviser. Every time I ask him what I look like
in my clothes, he says “WOW!”
What can you share and yet keep at the same time?
An STD for
How to disable autocorrect in wife?
Dentist: "You need a crown."
Patient: "Finally someone who
Why are eggs not very much into jokes? Because they could crack up.
What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth?
I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems. The first
thing the bastard did was made me pay in advance.
Women usually claim childbirth is the most painful experience of their
lives. Until they start stepping on Legos approximately three years later.
Mom! I’m a 3d printer!
Oh come on, Tommy, close the door when you
Does your horse smoke?
Well, then I think your stable is
Barkeep: I’m sorry, we never serve time travelers.
A time traveler
walks into a bar.
What are a shark’s two most favorite words?
“Waiter, the steak is smelling very strongly of liquor!”
backs up 3 steps and asks, “How’s that now?”
I ran into my ex in town yesterday. Then I ran over him and backed up to run
into him again.
Need cheering up? Start a fight with somebody when they have the hiccoughs!
I don’t think women should be allowed to have kids after 40. 40 kids is way
too much by any standard.
What is Jesus' favorite food?
What is written on a dentist’s grave?
He’s filling his last cavity.
Losing a wife can be very tough. Some may even say impossible.
What is sticky and brown?
A man drops his phone on a concrete floor. The phone is fine, no damage. How
He had it on airplane mode.
Two snails are chatting on the sidewalk. “I’ll have to cross the road,” says
“Well, be careful,” says the other one, “there’s a bus coming
in an hour.“
What do you get when you cross-breed a cow and a shark?
know, but I wouldn't enjoy milking it.
Meanwhile in a parallel universe: “Oh for God’s sake! Where are all these
extra single socks coming from?!”
What is pointless?
To tell a bald guy a hair-raising story.
What do you call a bull that likes taking a nap?
Why do bees hum?
They don't remember the text!
What happens to mountains when they touch each other?
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
What do you call a vegan with diarrhea?
A smoothie maker.
Yesterday I learnt that 20 piranhas can strip all flesh off a man within 15
Unfortunately, I also lost my job at the local swimming
What swims and starts with a T?
Best One Liners