The Very Best Thanksgiving Jokes
Have a laugh at Thanksgiving with your friends and family!
Mom is preparing Thanksgiving dinner and asks her son, “Miggy, could
you run to the supermarket and get some toothpicks?”
The son sighs, "Do I
have to? What’s wrong with just regular toothbrushes?"
Mom looks at
him: "Very well, son. I will enjoy the sight of you serving our guests
appetizers stuck on toothbrushes."
Two cannibals are enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner and a light
conversation about all things family.
“I just can’t stand my
neighbor,” sighs one.
“That’s quite understandable,” nods the
other one. “Why don’t you only have the potatoes with the gravy?”
What’s the universal key to a lovely Thanksgiving?
There’s always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving.
Even if it’s just not being a turkey.
What is the theory of relativity?
Take Thanksgiving for example. The
turkey gets stuffed, you get stuffed – but you’re relatively better off.
Once upon a time, there was a very happy, long-married couple who
ran a small farm.
They loved each other and all, there was just one
problem – the guy farted incredibly, and enjoyed ripping seriously loud ones
in bed especially.
The wife complained for years, pleaded – in vain.
“One day, you’ll spill your guts out, you mark my words!” was the lady’s
Then one early Thanksgiving morning, gutting the
turkey, she had a stroke of genius. She took all the turkey’s guts and went
to their bedroom and quietly slipped them under the still sleeping man’s
covers. “That’ll teach him!” she thought with satisfaction and went back to
At 10 the man was still nowhere to be seen – quite
shocking for a farmer – and she was starting to worry when finally her
husband came down – walking a little strange, wearing an even stranger
“You were right about the farting, Ida,” he panted, “I’m
ashamed to admit that I did fart my guts out. But with the help of our Lord
and these two fingers, all is right again!”
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
When turkeys feel philosophical, they ask each other: Do you think there is life after Thanksgiving?
About two weeks into November, the head turkey turns to his
second-in-command and says, “I have a feeling something’s going down. The
farmer just unfriended me on Facebook.”
What did the turkey say to the lady who visited the farmer in November?
“I heard Target is having a special chicken sale!”
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
and even then, it’s a pretty tight squeeze.
How to Tell You Went Too Far this Thanksgiving:
have grease stains on your butt – but you never sat down.
post-dinner moans brought Dr. Kevorkian’s van to your door.
kind of suspect the amount of potatoes you used might have started a brand
new potato famine, this time in Idaho.
- You ask your spouse if you
have the Jaws of Life at home because you need to get off the couch.
You went for a blood test the week after and the only thing the nurse could
draw from your arm was slightly darker gravy.
- The steering wheel is starting to get uncomfortably personal.
The dog eyes you with new respect.
- While you were taking a nap
after food, somebody quietly put a large plastic sheet under you, and a few
dozen sandbags around you.
Can you tell the difference between a female and a male turkey?
male is the one with the TV remote.
Thanksgiving Jokes - Part 1