Really Funny Clean Jokes.
Police officer talks to a driver: Your tail light is broken, your tires must
be exchanged and your bumper hangs halfway down. That will be 300 dollars.
Driver: Alright, go ahead. They want twice as much as that at the
Why did the physics teacher break up with the
biology teacher? There was no chemistry.
Q. Why do the French like to eat snails so much?
A. They can’t stand
Husband: “Oh the weather is lovely today. Shall we go out for a quick jog?“
Wife: “Hahaha, I love the way you pronounce ‘Shall we go out and have a
A guest calls the waiter and complains, “How come there are no chairs at our
The waiter shrugs, “I’m sorry but you only booked one
Optimist: The glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Mother: Why didn’t you use a coaster!
I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers
are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her
iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance.
I’ve been really depressed lately. A friend told me I should go to the
petting zoo perhaps, to cheer up.
I went today, but not one person
would stroke me.
I forgot my cell phone when I went to the
toilet yesterday. We have 245 tiles.
How many gorillas can fit into a car?
How many chickens
can fit into the car?
None, the car is already full of gorillas.
She: I have a doctor’s appointment today but I really don’t want to go…
He: Just call in sick then.
Everybody knows 40 is the new 30, right? But the police officer giving me a
speeding ticket couldn’t be persuaded.
A girl asks a boy: "Peter, how much do you love me?"
The boy looks
her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."
The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?”
A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are
too lazy to actually read that number.
A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The
uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase
was? It was from the 17th century!” The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that
it wasn’t new.”
I’ve always thought my neighbors were quite
nice people. But then they put a password on their Wi-Fi.