Clean and funny fart jokes (family friendly)
What is the optimum weight of a fart?
0.0 grams. Otherwise we’re not
A boy comes home and proudly announces to his parents, "Mom, dad, the
teacher asked the class a question today and I was the only one who knew the
The parents are very happy and ask, "That's amazing
Lenny! And what was the question?"
Sticking out his chest, the boys
says, "Who farted?"
Bill Gates farted in an Apple store. He later commented, "Well it’s hardly
my fault they don't have any Windows…”
What is invisible and smells of carrots?
A little bunny’s fart.
Full elevators have a different smell to children and midgets.
That awkward moment when everything is quiet in class, but there’s no way
you can stop yourself farting.
When people hug you, fart loudly. You’ll make them feel very strong.
A skeleton made a bet, claiming he’s going to fart really loud in a crowded
place. But he didn’t in the end. He just didn’t have the guts.
What is the most nerve-wracking moment in the life of a man?
Attempting your first silent public fart after a longer period of diarrhea.
What is the real reason women don’t fart loudly in public?
they don’t shut up long enough to build a decent pressure.
That awkward moment when you fart in front of your crush.
I farted at work today. They called in the plumbers to check for a leak in
the sewage system.
Mother’s advice: Stop whining. Look what the couch has to endure. It has to
stand every fart, and silently.
What is invisible and smells of worms?
A bird’s fart.
Q: What is the result of eating refried beans and onions?
A: Tear gas.
A man pulls up his car at a red light next to a woman in her car. He opens
his windows and glances at the woman. The woman also opens the window and
looks at him questioningly. The man smiles and says: “Ah, you too? Gas is a
bitch, isn’t it.”
Rock-solid reliable pick up line: "Wow, did you just fart? Because you totally
blew me away."
A teenage boy is invited for lunch at his girlfriend’s house.
Because he made some bad food choices earlier, he simply has to fart when
they're all at the table.
The girlfriend's dad shouts at the large
dog sitting under the boy’s chair: „Rex!”
Seeing that the father
thought it was the dog, the boy is much relieved.
A minute later the
boy has to fart again - and again audibly. The father snaps at the dog
The boy is relieved again that the father thought it
was the dog.
Ten minutes later the boy farts again.
father shouts: “Rex, come here before that boy craps on your head.”
Two flies are sitting on a piece of poop. One fly farts and the other fly
cries, "Hey! I'm trying to eat here!"
That awkward moment when you make a false excuse to go out of the room to
fart, but when you come back in, you realize you carried the smell back with
That awkward moment when your shoe makes the wrong sound on the floor and
you know there’s no way to persuade anyone you haven’t just farted.
That awkward moment when you fart in the supermarket’s dairy section
and then somebody comes that very second, sniffing and admiring the complex
maturity of the Limburger cheese.
Don’t you hate it when you fart under your blanket, lift your foot to air it
out but instead you unintentionally lift the other end of the blanket and
get the full load in your face?
A man farts unintentionally but loudly at a party. Another man looks
absolutely scandalized and says, “How dare you fart before my sister?!”
The farter replies, “I’m sorry – I wasn’t aware it was her turn…”