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16 Jokes for People Who Need a Smile

Best first: “Doctor, I have problems with my eyesight.”

“Damn straight you do. This is a hot dog stand.”
 
Joke to make people smile     

Grandpa’s last words will stay with me forever: “Quit rattlin’ the ladder ya little hooligan!”


I tried one of those organic deo sticks. It said in the instructions:

1. Remove the cap

2. Push thumb up the bottom part for application.

It is very difficult to sit but my farts smell very nice now.
How many women were born in 2018?
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None. Only baby girls and baby boys.“
Feeling adventurous? Go to a Walmart changing room and after five minutes start asking loudly where they keep the toilet paper!
Math Joke
I saw an ad recently: LASER HAIR REMOVAL. But come on, if you had laser hair, would you really want to remove them? No, you’d be starting world domination!
Mr. Flanders, I have some good news and some bad news,” says a doctor to a patient after an operation.

“OK, tell me the bad one first, doc,” says Mr. Flanders shakily.

“You see, once we started operating, there were complications and we had to amputate both of your arms.”

“Oh no! What’s the good news then?”

“Do you see that stunningly beautiful nurse over there? She just agreed to be my wife!”
Patient to his doctor: “Doctor, please help me. I think I’m a moth.”
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The doctor says: “I’m sorry, but I’m not your guy. You have to go see a psychiatrist.”
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The patient sighs: “I wanted to. But the light in your office is so much brighter!”
A rushing tourist, out of breath, stops at a small country house where a grandpa is sitting on the porch and asks, “Excuse me, how can I get the fastest to the train station?”

“No problem,” waves the grandpa, “let me just let the dog loose.”
Two hunters are comparing their stories. One says, “I once shot a wild boar so big they had to come get it with a tractor!”

The other scoffs, “Ha, I once shot a bird so big, 357 people got out of it when it hit the ground.”
A patient runs out of the operation room, screaming.
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A doctor stops him and asks: “Mr. Ainsley! What on Earth is happening?! Why are you running?!”
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The patient breathes heavily: “I was about to be operated on, doctor. And then the nurse said: ‘Come now, stop panicking. You’ll manage just fine!’”
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The doctor shrugs: “Oh but that’s nice, no? Nurse being supportive to you?”
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The patient gets angry: “She was talking to the surgeon!”

An angry man comes to his neighbor:
“Is that your cat that in my garden, digging out my carrots?”
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The neighbor replies: “Of course. Do you think I would have time for that?”
Two friends are walking in a park when they’re suddenly stopped by a mugger with a gun. “Give me all your money!” demands the mugger.

Both get out their wallets, but one of the friends slaps his forehead, “I totally forgot, Joe, I still owe you 150 dollars! Here you are!”
My mother urged me to attend a cooking class. She said: “A man should know how to cook. It impresses the girls.”

After a few lessons, a very beautiful girl started chatting to me. One thing led to another – aaand we are very good friends now.





 
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