What is the ultimate proof that the Earth
is not flat?
If it were, cats would already have pushed every little
thing off its surface.
A man drives deep into the forest to get rid of his cat. He lets her out at
an abandoned place. After one hour he gets a phone call from his wife: “The
cat is back.”
The man growls: “Ok, can you put her on, I got lost and
Two neighbors meet:
"Your cat killed my Pitbull."
"No way, that
"Yes, he choked on the cat."
What is the difference between a man and a cat?
One eats a lot, is
lazy and doesn’t care who brings the food. The other is a pet.
Emergency call at the police station:
"Please come quick. It’s a
life and death situation. Our dog has become very aggressive. He might do
something to me."
"Who is there?"
Bob to Joe, "What the heck, Joe, I’ve just heard your dog meowing. How
"Ah yeah, that’s OK! He is just learning a second language."
How did the cat get the first prize at a bird show?
shut the champion’s cage properly.
Two cats are sitting in front of bird’s cage and observe a newly arrived
One cat says to the other, “It really is a strange
color for a bird. Maybe he’s not ripe yet.”
A woman sits in a diner. A cat comes in, buys a chocolate ice cream and
The woman is totally astonished, “Wow – that was unusual”.
The diner manager agrees, “That’s right. She’s never asked for anything else
but strawberry before.”
A woman gets a hysterical phone call, “Your cat ate my canary!!!”
Woman, “Thank you for telling me. I don’t have to feed her today then,
A cat meets a fox in the forest.
The fox asks the cat why she smells
The cat replies, “I was walking by a pooping bear and
he asked me if my fur makes fuzz. I said no. So he wiped his butt with me.”
The fox wonders: “So how come you’re still in such a good mood?”
“Well” the cat replies, “When he was done with me, he asked the hedgehog.”
A Chinese student is looking for an inexpensive room to rent. He finds one,
but the owner warns him, “Yes, you can have the room. But we have a dog and
two cats. I hope you like them.”
“No problem,” beams the student, “I’m
happy to eat anything!”
“Our cat was stupid enough to drink some gasoline yesterday. She spent two
hours racing through the flat, then just flopped on her back and was totally
“Oh no, is she dead?”
“No, just ran out of gas”
In the middle of the desert one cat says to the other,
“Oh boy, I
have to pee so badly.”
“Why don’t you just do it?”
There is no litter box.”
Two gangsters are about to break out of prison. The first one jumps off a
wall into a trash container.
The guard shouts, "Who’s there?"
Gangster replies, "MEOOOOOOW!"
The guard is relieved, "Ah ok,
just a cat."
Then the second gangster jumps.
The guard gets
suspicious, "Hello, anybody there?"
The second gangster yells, "Nah,
just the cat again!"
“My wife loves cats. But she’s got 40 of them and they cause a gruesome
smell in our flat.”
“I guess you should air more often to battle
“No can do, if we opened the windows, my 150 pigeons would
Why is it a bad idea to play poker with a
Chances are it is a cheetah.
What is the one place your cat can sit in, but you can’t?
How many cats can squeeze into a regular sized empty box?
After that the box isn’t empty anymore.
If TVs run on electricity and trucks run on gas, what do cats run on?
Their four paws.
When you arrive home after work, your dog will be extremely happy to see you
and will lick your face.
The cat will still be mad at you for
leaving in the first place.
What do you call a cat who gets her way no matter what?