Politically Incorrect Jokes | Part 3

The best first: Mommy, why does Grandpa run zig zag in our garden?  Be silent child and reload.
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My ex had an accident. I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for her.
Finally she’ll experience what rejection is really like.

My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children. If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
On a mountain trip a man falls down into a crack. His wife calls after him, “Are you OK?”


“Are you hurt?”


“Not a scratch? How come?!“

“I’m not done falling yet-et-et-et-et!”
“Mom, I don’t like grandpa anymore.”

“Shush and eat what’s on the table!”
A man calls a suicide hotline in Iraq.
They get excited and asked him if he could drive a truck.

I’ll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon. I mean – you’ve got a gun, haven’t you?!
Hilarious Road Kill Cuisine

A man wakes from a coma. The wife changes out of her black clothes and irritated, remarks, "I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!"

A guy asks, “How big do penguins get?”
His colleague says, “Not much bigger than 4 feet.”
The guy scratches his head, “Ok, in that case I guess I ran over a nun on the way to work.”
Patient: "Doctor! Doctor! Help me - I cannot feel my legs!"
Doctor: "Don’t panic, that’s perfectly normal. It’s because I amputated your arms!"
A meeting of the “Castrated Anonymous”
High-pitched male voice: "Welcome. I hope you all arrived safe and sound."
Deep male voice: "Yes."
High-pitched male voice: "You in the second row, please leave the room right now."
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale.
Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
A patient talks to his doctor, “I really can't decide between having this operation or facing certain death without it…”

The doctor tries to help, “You know, with a bit of luck, you could have both.”
The doctor gave me one year to live. So in the heat of the moment, I shot him. And the judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
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Best Black Humor Jokes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | New Dark Humor Jokes

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