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Black Humor | Morbid Jokes | Part 4

The best first: Masochist: ‘Hurt me.’ Sadist: ‘I won’t.’
A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken.

The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, “Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die...”

They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
I took my wife’s family out for biscuits and tea.
They weren’t very happy about having to donate blood though.
That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.
What does a cannibal do after eating a vegetable?
Goes on eBay to see how much the wheelchair could sell for.
A doctor tells a patient: “I’ve a good and a bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?”
Patient: “Oh no. The bad one, please.”
Doctor: “It appears I amputated the wrong foot, sorry.”
Patient: “And the good one?” asks the shaken patient.
Doctor grins: “There’s a guy who’s very interested in buying your shoes!”

Why did Lisa fall of the swing?

Because she had no arms.

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Well, not Lisa, that’s for sure.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
“I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years.”
“Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!”
“No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him.”
My Grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Atlanta Zoo.

Son, "Mommy, mommy, daddy hanged himself in the attic!"
Mother, "What??!!"
Son, "Gotcha, April's fool! He hangs in the garage."

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.
What did the man with no hands get for Christmas?
No idea. He hasn’t opened his present yet.
A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide.
“I’m sorry sir, but I can’t give you cyanide just like that.”
Without a word, the man takes out his wife’s photograph and holds it in front of him.

The pharmacist apologizes, “My mistake, I didn’t realize you had a prescription.”

I want a divorce!
But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part.
I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you.
Next Part
Best Black Humor Jokes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | New Dark Humor Jokes

See also: New jokes

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