A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare
The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, “Nothing special
really... We just tell them they're going to die...”
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But
personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
I took my wife’s family out for biscuits and tea.
weren’t very happy about having to donate blood though.
Why did Lisa fall of the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Well, not Lisa, that’s for sure.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
“I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years.”
“Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!”
“No no, you
misunderstand. I’m still looking for him.”
Grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the
Son, "Mommy, mommy, daddy hanged himself in the attic!"
Son, "Gotcha, April's fool! He hangs in
I was digging in our garden and
found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to
tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I’m digging in our
What did the man with no hands get for Christmas?
He hasn’t opened his present yet.
A man who wants
to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide.
“I’m sorry sir, but I can’t give you cyanide just like that.”
Without a word, the man takes out his wife’s photograph and holds it
in front of him.
The pharmacist apologizes, “My mistake, I
didn’t realize you had a prescription.”
But you made a vow in the church that we remain
together till death do us part.
I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea
I made for you.
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