A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare
their chicken.
The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, “Nothing special
really... We just tell them they're going to die...”
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But
personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty
good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.
Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I’d still feel a lot more
comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.
Two hunters are chatting. One says, “I once shot a wild boar so
huge, they had to tow it away with a tractor.”
The other says,
“Ha, that’s nothing. I once shot a bird so huge, they found 75 people
inside it!”
What does a cannibal do after eating a vegetable?
-
Goes on
eBay to see how much the wheelchair could sell for.
Why did Lisa fall of the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Well, not Lisa, that’s for sure.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
“I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years.”
“Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!”
“No no, you
misunderstand. I’m still looking for him.”
My
Grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the
Atlanta Zoo.
Son, "Mommy, mommy, daddy hanged himself in the attic!"
Mother, "What??!!"
Son, "Gotcha, April's fool! He hangs in
the garage."
I was digging in our garden and
found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to
tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I’m digging in our
garden.
What did the man with no hands get for Christmas?
-
No idea.
He hasn’t opened his present yet.
I want
a divorce!
-
But you made a vow in the church that we remain
together till death do us part.
-
I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea
I made for you.
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