A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment
afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?"
Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!"
"But not for looooong.....!"
- Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!
- How often do I have to tell you
not to dig around in the garden!
That moment when you notice that one fork isn’t really very clean when
you’re laying the table and you have to decide which family member you
like the least.
Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning. The man
strokes her back, “I’m so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure
She replies: “Don’t worry Steve, it’s not your fault.”
Bertie comes sadly to his mommy and says, “Mom, the kids have been mean
to me. They keep teasing me that my feet are too big. Please tell me
honestly. Are my feet to big?”
“Of course not, Bertie. Now go
put your shoes in the garage, the dinner is ready.“
Doctor: "Mrs. Apfelbaum, your husband is very sick."
Wife: "Oh no.
What is it?"
Doctor: "He is sick of your shit!"
;) at the husband and gives him a high five.
What are you looking at when you see two homeless dudes hitting each
other with bits of cardboard?
A pillow fight.
Famous last words
of a bomb disposal expert?
"Yes, the red wire."
If Hitler would have been a feminist what political system would he have
come up with?
What did the cannibal do once he dumped his lady friend?
wiped his bottom.
Doctor: “You look much worse than you did last week! I said you should
smoke a maximum of five cigarettes a day!”
Patient: “And that’s
what I did. And it wasn’t easy because up until now I didn’t smoke at
Imagine the Earth would spin 10 times faster – you’d get your salary
every day and the women would bleed to death.
When a blind woman tells her boyfriend that she is seeing someone, it
could either be a really terrible news or a really great news.
If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil.
If I’m laughing, I've already done it.
Strong people don't put other people down.
They lift them up and
slam them to the ground for maximum impact.
Latest news: Local Leprosy Awareness Society Fell Apart.
Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?
all, don't give him anything to drink.
Join the Army, meet some fascinating people, then kill them.
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