Sarcastic Jokes | Part 5

The best first: Ideal weight of a mother in law? 1.2 pounds including the urn.
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A chubbier woman: Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?
Mirror: “Kindly move aside. I can’t see anything.”

Doctor: And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?

Patient: Very well, I’ve been divorced for half a year now.

Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home.
That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment.
A lady tells the nurse at a maternity hospital, “I want to call my little baby Ellie.”
Nurse replies, “I’m sorry, but that name is already taken, perhaps you can consider naming her Ellie532 or Ellie_153?”
Funny Unexpected Turn

Patient: Doctor, I’m starting to forget things.

Doctor: I understand.

Patient: Understand what?
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.

Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
What is brown, small, and smells of caramel?
A diabetic who’s been struck by lightning.
I visited my new friend in his flat. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital.

I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering “Chun Yu Yan” over and over – and then died.

I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means “You’re standing on my oxygen tube.”
Next Part
Best Black Humor Jokes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | New Dark Humor Jokes

See also: New jokes

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