A chubbier woman: Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them
all?
-
Mirror: “Kindly move aside. I can’t see anything.”
Doctor: And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?
Patient: Very well, I’ve been divorced for half a year now.
Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is
collecting for the nursing home.
-
That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment.
A lady tells the nurse at a maternity hospital, “I
want to call my little baby Ellie.”
Nurse replies, “I’m sorry, but that name is already taken, perhaps you
can consider naming her Ellie532 or Ellie_153?”
Patient: Doctor, I’m starting to forget things.
Doctor: I understand.
Patient: Understand what?
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few
hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
What is brown, small, and smells of caramel?
A diabetic who’s been struck by lightning.
I visited my new friend in his flat. He told me to
make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to
go to a hospital.
I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering “Chun Yu
Yan” over and over – and then died.
I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial.
Apparently, it means “You’re standing on my oxygen tube.”
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Best Black Humor Jokes
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