Dark Jokes | Part 7

 

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What is black and sticks to a tree?
 
A peeping tom after a forest fire.

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One man's trash is another man's treasure...
 
(Maybe this wasn’t the ideal way of telling our daughter that she was adopted…)

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“Mother I really don’t like the red soup”

“Be quiet child. We get it just once a month”

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Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

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“Do you have Valentines cards that say something like “You’re my only one?”
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Sure thing.
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Wonderful! I’ll take 8 of those please.

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Mom, I’m still having those sharp headaches!
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Well why don’t you move away from in front of the dart board then?!

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I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with Lucifer himself on how to be even more vicious. I’ve no idea what kind of fees she’s charging him.

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 A mom tells her son a joke; the son is embarrassed and says: "Mom, please don't tell any more jokes. You really can't make them."
 
The mom only shrugs and says, "Well – I did make you..."

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Either the woman at the back of the train has two really ugly children, or two seriously cool Pokémons.

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Doctor tells his patient, “I’m afraid you are going to die in a few hours. What is your last wish?”
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Patient replies, “I need a good doctor.”

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How to save a man from drowning?
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Try removing your foot from their head.

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What do you get when you cross a rabbit and a pit bull?

Just the pit bull.

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"Mother, why do people die so suddenly in our family?"
...
"Mama?"
"Mama?"
"Maaamma!"

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What do you call people who use the temperature method of contraception?
 
Parents.

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Why do hurricanes get such lame names, like Sandy? Name that thing Hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee folks will be evacuating like they need to.

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Next Part
Best Black Humor Jokes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | New Dark Humor Jokes

See also: New jokes

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