Best Shower Thoughts | Part 3

The best first: Are dogs chewing up shoes because they think they are the reason we leave the house when we put them on?
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Nobody hates Mondays. Just a lot of people hate their jobs.

Laughing at a fat guy at a gym is like laughing at an unemployed guy at a job fair.
The most important grammar rules I know: “Sounds about right” and “Sounds about wrong”.
I wonder what name my dog would choose for me.
Wild animals live in a continuous state of poverty.
Running naked is awkward and it hurts to have your privates flapping about everywhere. Is that the real reason why people invented underwear?
Maybe Batman fights crime only at nights because if he did it during the day, he’d get funny tan lines in the face?
I’m ready to bet that dinosaurs were similar to dogs. The huge ones were calm and relaxed while the small ones were the yappy, snappy little bastards.
Hooray for Digestion Joke

Every day, some unsuspecting person does the biggest poop on Earth for that day.
Why don’t drivers’ licenses show blood types?
Is the salary that I get a bribe to forget my dreams?
 Our stomachs believe all potatoes are mashed potatoes.
Does my dog take me for a hypocrite because I crap in the house?
The person who proofread Hitler’s speeches was the first grammar Nazi.

The outer Space is really just an hour away if my Toyota could make it straight up.
How come caretaker and caregiver describe the same person?!
When you say somebody is one in a million, then taking into account the current human population, you’re really saying there are 7 500 people exactly like him.
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