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Funny Sayings, Comments and Remarks | Part 2

The best first: Somebody’s rolling their eyes at you? Just say, “Why are you rolling your eyes? Trying to find your brain?”
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I wouldn’t exactly say I’m lazy but it’s a good thing that breathing is a reflex.
How many times must I flush before you finally go away?

Do people talk about you behind your back? Simply fart.
 My love life is like the beginning of a fairytale: A long time ago, in a land far away...
As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me.
I’m not saying I’m Batman, but so far nobody has seen me and Batman together in the same room.
When someone talks BS:

Do you see a trash can sign on my forehead?
[No]
Ok, then keep your garbage for yourself.
What can you say when it's already late and you really want to go home?

Can you hear that? That's my pillow calling and it becomes really mean when I let it wait too long.
If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times: Don’t exaggerate!
I’m standing outside. In other words, I’m outstanding.
Poor Guy Joke

My mood is currently swinging between an axe and gasoline.

A housewife's battle:

The household stares at me. I stare right back. Without breaking eye contact, I slide a piece of chocolate in my mouth. I won!
Stressed is just desserts spelled backwards.
If you ever see me running, run like hell too. I’m far too lazy to be running without a good reason.
A list of things that look good in leopard pattern:

1. Leopards

*End of list*
You can only be young once. But you can enjoy being infantile forever.
Married women face a significantly lower risk of kidnapping, nobody can be certain that the ransom would actually be paid.
No thanks, I didn't fight my way to the top of the food pyramid to become a vegetarian.
I'm in touch with my motivation. I saw it going by this morning, waving at me and winking.
I weighed myself today. It is clear I am too small for my weight.
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Funny Sayings

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