Funny Sayings - Part 6 | Black Humor

Best first: Funny that you can't spell "slaughter" without "laughter".
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Get ready for laughter! We deliver funny sayings and quotes with a dark twist. Can you handle a little darkness?

My boyfriend is so ugly, I sometimes have to put roofies in my own drink.
A sound defense:

Crazy? Me? Nah - It was the voices that told me to do it.
Motivation Joke
 The human body was clearly designed by a civil engineer. Who else would put a waste disposal pipeline running through a recreational area?
If you’re having a bad day, remember some adults wear braces.

 My love life is like the beginning of a fairytale: A long time ago, in a land far away...
“The last thing I want to do is to hurt you.

But we’ll get there eventually, once I’ve gone through the entire list.
An optimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and thinks it’s an exit.

A pessimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and assumes it is an onrushing train.

The train conductor sees two stupid guys staggering on train tracks.
Sorry, I can’t hang out. My auntie’s cousin’s brother in law’s best friend’s accountant’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Some other time maybe.
It is a well documented fact that your urge to poo intensifies as you are unlocking the front door.
All my life I thought air was for free.

That was until I bought a bag of crisps.
Don’t mess with me, I know aikido and judo! And a few other Japanese words and phrases!
No thanks, I didn't fight my way to the top of the food pyramid to become a vegetarian.
I'm in touch with my motivation. I saw it going by this morning, waving at me and winking.
I didn’t fall down. The floor needed a hug.
Hilarious Fitness Description

Married women face a significantly lower risk of kidnapping, nobody can be certain that the ransom would actually be paid.
Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
When the weekend is over:

Where exactly was I in the night from Friday to Monday???
Go bungee jumping. Your life started with a malfunctioning rubber, so it’s only right it should end that way, too.
A smooth break-up line:

There was a time when I would have given myself to you, now I'm not even willing to throw up in your direction.
Next: Funny Sayings Part 7 (Entertaining Offenses)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

See also: New Sayings | Shower Thoughts

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