Get ready for laughter! We deliver funny
sayings and quotes with a dark twist. Can you handle a little
darkness?
My boyfriend is so ugly, I sometimes have to put
roofies in my own drink.
A sound defense:
Crazy? Me? Nah - It was the voices that told me to do it.
The human body was clearly designed by a
civil engineer. Who else would put a waste disposal pipeline running
through a recreational area?
If you’re having a bad
day, remember some adults wear braces.
My love
life is like the beginning of a fairytale: A long time ago, in a land
far away...
“The last thing I want to do is to hurt
you.
But we’ll get there eventually, once I’ve gone through the
entire list.
An optimist sees light at the end of a
tunnel and thinks it’s an exit.
A pessimist sees light at the
end of a tunnel and assumes it is an onrushing train.
The train
conductor sees two stupid guys staggering on train tracks.
Sorry, I can’t hang out. My auntie’s cousin’s
brother in law’s best friend’s accountant’s roommate’s pet goldfish
died. Some other time maybe.
It is a well documented
fact that your urge to poo intensifies as you are unlocking the front
door.
All my life I thought air was for free.
That was until I bought a bag of crisps.
Don’t
mess with me, I know aikido and judo! And a few other Japanese words
and phrases!
No thanks, I didn't fight my way to the
top of the food pyramid to become a vegetarian.
I'm
in touch with my motivation. I saw it going by this morning, waving at
me and winking.
I didn’t fall down. The floor needed
a hug.
Married women face a significantly lower risk of
kidnapping, nobody can be certain that the ransom would actually be
paid.
Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then
again, neither does milk.
When the weekend is over:
Where exactly was I in the night from Friday to Monday???
Go bungee jumping. Your life started with a
malfunctioning rubber, so it’s only right it should end that way, too.
A smooth break-up line:
There
was a time when I would have given myself to you, now I'm not even
willing to throw up in your direction.
Next: Funny Sayings Part 7 (Entertaining
Offenses)
Part 1 |
Part 2 |
Part 3 |
Part 4 |
Part 5 |
Part 6 |
Part 7 |
Part 8
See also:
New Sayings
|
Shower Thoughts
