If I’m driving you crazy, please remember to put your
Chocolate doesn’t ask any questions. Chocolate simply understands.
The true nature of a human being clearly shows when the supermarket opens a
second cash desk.
I read married couples do it about 74 times per year. It’s end of November
now. Seems I’m going to have a seriously exciting December!
I like to be an optimist. It pisses people off.
They say money doesn’t grow on trees, but why do banks have branches then?
Funny offence: With a face like yours, you have a good chance in a lawsuit
against your parents.
Yeah, roll your eyes all you like, it won’t help you. You won’t find any
brains back there.
An opportunist is the guy who drinks the water while the pessimist, the
optimist and the realist are arguing about how full the glass is.
Change is inevitable, except from a parking meter.
Before my first cup of coffee I hate everybody. That doesn’t change after
I’ve had that coffee, but it feels much better.
I'm not lazy. I'm just highly motivated to do nothing.
Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re a great big idiot.
If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times: Don’t exaggerate!
You may think the grass is greener on the other side, but it’s possibly
because there’s more manure there!
I’m not bossy, I simply know exactly what you should be doing.
If your friend asks for some of your chips, you can reply: There’s no 'we'
Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours belongs in the Zoo.
There is no lousy weather, only lousy choice of clothing.
Of all the dogs, a Hot Dog is the most noble; it feeds the hand that bites
Being British means driving your German car to an Irish pub to have a
Belgian beer, then grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way
home where you rest on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a
I’m not reading any instructions. I just press buttons until it does what I
A true optimist is the guy who falls off a skyscraper and after 50 floors
thinks to himself – well, so far so good!
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an opponent so clearly unarmed.
When someone is being stupid:
You should really start
thinking about changing your dealer!
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