Arm yourself with a
hilarious arsenal of quips. Clever and witty sayings to elevate every
social situation.
My mood is currently swinging between an axe and
gasoline.
A housewife's battle:
The household stares at me. I stare
right back. Without breaking eye contact, I slide a piece of chocolate
in my mouth. I won!
Stressed is just desserts spelled backwards.
If you
ever see me running, run like hell too. I’m far too lazy to be running
without a good reason.
Flies don't stand a chance, I'm a one man
S.W.A.T. team. r
You can hide from cake. But
cake can’t hide from you.
Hard work pays off in the
future. Lolling on the couch pays off right now.
Do
you remember when I asked you to give me your opinion? That’s right,
me neither.
If the grass is greener on the other
side, fair bet is, the water bill is higher too.
A list of things that look good in leopard pattern:
1. Leopards
*End of list*
That
awkward moment when you wave back at your neighbor for about 5 minutes
until you notice that she’s just been cleaning the window.
After millions of years of
evolution, you’re kind of a disappointment.
I’m
breathing. That’s about it for today’s productivity.
Rule No. 1: Women are always right.
Rule No.
2: If a woman is not right, Rule No.1 applies.
Girls
want a lot from one guy.
On the other hand, a guy only wants
one thing from a lot of girls.
When somebody talks crap:
“Here, have a tissue. There’s still
a bit of bullshit left on your mouth.”
Whoever said
"nothing is impossible" clearly never tried slamming a revolving door.
Every rule has an exception. This rule is no
exception.
Intelligent people are full of doubt (I
think).
Here’s a cup full of the hoots I give: \_/
-
Ooooh no, look, it’s empty!
It's funny how
many people get mad when a sentence doesn't end as they carrot juice.
Monday office chat:
There are days one
should really just sleep through. Like Monday through Friday.
I’ve got a problem for your solution.
Everyone has the right to be stupid, but some abuse
that privilege.
Miss, I think you’re fantastic… Will
you give me your phone number?
Sure, you can find it in the Yellow Pages.
But I don’t know your name?
Oh it’s in there too.
War never decides who is right. War only decides who is left.
What rhymes with zoo and smells bad?
You.
Psychologists have found out that to
maintain a good mental state, we should hug wholeheartedly around 9
people every day. Or punch one key person in the face.
A train station is where the train stops. A bus
station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
If a man said he’ll fix it, he’ll
fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it.
We got divorced on the grounds of religious differences. My husband
thought he was God.
I’m pretty sure some people’s
head is just a backup copy of their butt.
Next: Funny Sayings Part 5 (Humorous
Expressions)
Part 1 |
Part 2 |
Part 3 |
Part 4 |
Part 5 |
Part 6 |
Part 7 |
Part 8
See also: New Sayings
| Shower Thoughts
