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Jokes for Smart People | Part 4

The best first: A guy comes in a pub and orders one beer, then again one beer, then 2 beers, then 3 beers, then 5 beers…
The barkeep sighs, “Fibonacci, you’re going to get pissed again, you know that?”
Our funniest categories:

How many surrealists do you need to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to turn the chameleon, the other to sing clock-ticking to the color green.
And why do you think you’d be academically qualified for this job, Mr Richardson?”
“I possess a degree of intelligence.”
Funny Atomic Trust Issues
Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.
You think it’s a coincidence?
Do you know what Hercules’ wife is called?

Why, Fraucules, of course.
Who the hell is Rorschach and why did he paint so many pictures of my mother?!

Dyslexia killed a vampire hunter one sad night when he attacked a vampire with a steak.
What does your ex and slinky have in common? It’s nice to watch either fall down the stairs.
Two ex-classmates are meeting over coffee two years after graduating from the university.

One of them takes a sip and sighs, “Man, whenever it dawns on me that I’m actually a certified engineer, I get too scared to ever go to a doctor…”
I was taught by a nun with a really nasty habit.
She used to wipe her nose on it.
I bought a new thesaurus, but it was a waste of money. It is bad.
In other words, it’s bad.
Petunia went to the bathroom. Five minutes later she came out as Pitaenu.
Why? She had a significant vowel movement.
Schrödinger went to see his cardiologist. The doctor said he has good news, and bad news.
Two demons of hell who work in different departments meet up for a beer and catch up.

“Yeah, it’s really sad in my section right now, everyone’s really upset.”
“Why? What happened?”

“Well, we got a hardcore gamer the other day who died playing. He wiped out half the crew with a chainsaw before we managed to persuade him this isn’t a new level of Doom!”
Fun fact – did you know that when you take all the nerves from a human body and align them so they’re forming a straight line, you’ll end up in jail for a really, really long time?
“Jake, I’m searching for some GDPR specialist, do you know a good one?”

“Yeah, I do, he handled our company website brilliantly, he’s awesome!”

“Fantastic! Can you give me his contact details, then?”

“… Well, no…”
I image-googled Rorschach test to see what all the fuss was about. But now I’m shocked. How can it all be pictures of my girlfriend cheating on me with my dad?
Schrödinger cat walks in a bar … and doesn’t.

Why are snails so slow?

Because if they weren’t, their eyes would be streaming behind them. 
Some less known Chuck Norris factoids:

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris can make coal out of a diamond.

Chuck Norris found the last digit of Pi.

Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
Christmas at the Schrödingers' was a rather awkward affair. Even days after Christmas, boxes were lying under the Christmas tree that nobody dared open.
I need a patch for a really weird bug I’m experiencing – the quest “Find a girlfriend” got set for me on the hardest possible level of difficulty.
Smart Jokes - Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

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