Somebody stole all my lamps. I’m delighted.
A programmer comes in a pharmacy and says, “I feel kind of weak after the long winter, I think I need something to boost my organism. What do you recommend?”
The pharmacists suggests beta carotene.
The programmer shakes his head, “Nah. I think I’ll wait till the full version comes out.”
If you said a cat, then you’re wrong. A human says meow when he’s trying to copy the sound a cat does.
What?! Photons have mass??!! I had no idea they were Catholic!
I have to bring this book about electrons back to the library.
If I don’t, there might be a charge.
Why did the surgeon not like the movie?
-
It was the uncut version.
You can be as well-mannered and kind as you want, but German children will always be kinder.
Why did the triangle refuse to be friends with the circle?
-
It found the circle pointless.
A great advantage of socialist state governments is that they are totally independent.
Mostly on the voters and common sense but hey, you gotta recognize the positive.
Three guys travel on business and go in a hotel to rent a triple room. The room costs 30 dollars. The guys are OK with it, each pays 10 dollars, they take their keys and go up. But just as they leave, the manager realizes he made a mistake and that their new price is 25 dollars per triple room. So he sends up the bellboy with the 5 dollars difference. But the bellboy doesn’t know how to split 5 dollars between 3 people, so he just gives each of the three guys a dollar and pockets the remaining 2 dollars.
That means that each guy paid 9 dollars. 9 times three is 27 dollars, plus 2 that the bellboy pocketed is 29 dollars. So where the heck is the remaining dollar??!!
Chuck Norris was the first choice for the series 24 Hours, but was fired after he took just 10 minutes and 27 seconds to kill all the terrorists and save the world.
Keep it up, with any luck, you'll soon have a behavioral disorder named after you.
Real-life paradox: It’s wrong for a sportsman to smoke and drink. But it’s good for a smoker and drinker to do sports…???
Even egotists are essentially philanthropists.
They just have a significantly narrower specialization.
For sale: Ultra-modern Uzbek propane-powered calculator.
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