A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a
way that you will look forward to the trip.
-
Caskie Stinnett
We’ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will
eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the
Internet, we know this is not true.
-
Robert Wilensky
“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top
for it.”
-
Jerry Seinfeld
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
-
Anonymous
“They don’t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to
know about celery.”
–
Bill Murray
“Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a
happy meal.”
–
Paul F Taylor
When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick.
-
George Burns
When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve
people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
-
Norm Crosby
Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those
of us who do.
-
Isaac Asimov
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss
and work twelve hours a day.
-
Robert Frost
“I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just
knock unhealthy food out of my hands.”
–
Bill Murray
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Funny Quotes
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