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Funny Famous Quotes | Part 6

The best first: Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Bob Hope
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
Ronald Reagan
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes – and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
 George Burns
We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.
Bill Vaughan

Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was 65 I still had pimples.
George Burns
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Agatha Christie
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin
A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.
Robin Williams
The Forgetful Vegan: Man that sure was some good pepperoni pi-Oh Fuck!
Zach Galifianakis
My mom had a very difficult childhood. My childhood.
Cindy from Marzahn
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
 Rodney Dangerfield
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Funny Quotes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

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