Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should
both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
José Maria de
Eça de Queiroz
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of
bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled
as good as bacon.
“The second I get shampoo in my eyes, I’m 100% sure there’s a murderer in my
“I’m always worried when a
woman sees me naked for the first time. That she's just gonna scream and run
out of the park.”
- Gary Delaney
happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually
sedate him with four or five cupcakes.
To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re
wrong admit it; whenever you’re right shut up.
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
Harry S. Truman
To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.
“I’m planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn’t my first choice but my doctor
told me I can’t have any biologically.”
Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not
yet completely sure about the universe.
| Part 7
| Part 9