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Funny and Cool Quotes | Part 7

The best first: If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up and apologize. Muhammad Ali
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
José Maria de Eça de Queiroz
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
Erma Bombeck

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
Doug Larson
“The second I get shampoo in my eyes, I’m 100% sure there’s a murderer in my bathroom.”

Bill Murray
“I’m always worried when a woman sees me naked for the first time. That she's just gonna scream and run out of the park.”

- Gary Delaney
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Oscar Wilde
Shush Ambition

Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.
Bob Thaves
To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong admit it; whenever you’re right shut up.
Ogden Nash

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
Harry S. Truman
To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.
Rita Rudner
“I’m planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn’t my first choice but my doctor told me I can’t have any biologically.”

Bill Murray

Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet completely sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein
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Funny Quotes

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