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Funny and Cool Quotes | Part 7

The best first: If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up and apologize. Muhammad Ali
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
-
José Maria de Eça de Queiroz
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
-
Erma Bombeck

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
-
Doug Larson
“The second I get shampoo in my eyes, I’m 100% sure there’s a murderer in my bathroom.”

Bill Murray
“I’m always worried when a woman sees me naked for the first time. That she's just gonna scream and run out of the park.”

- Gary Delaney
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
-
Oscar Wilde
Shush Ambition

Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.
-
Bob Thaves
To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong admit it; whenever you’re right shut up.
-
Ogden Nash

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
-
Harry S. Truman
To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.
-
Rita Rudner
“I’m planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn’t my first choice but my doctor told me I can’t have any biologically.”

Bill Murray

Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet completely sure about the universe.
-
Albert Einstein
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Funny Quotes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10





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