A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair
weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
-
Robert Frost
“If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your
ancestors and all of them got laid.”
–
Bill Murray
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
– Mark Twain
“I write jokes for a living, man. See I sit in my hotel at night, I think
of something that's funny and then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if
the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of
ain't funny.” – Mitch Hedberg
A quick word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me,
she said ”no”.
-
Woody Allen
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.
-
Groucho Marx
Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic and so am I.
-
Bill Murray
The trouble with political jokes is that very often they get elected.
-
Will Rogers
Quote:
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.
We take time
to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft
music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henry Youngman
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
-
Edgar Bergen
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
-
Anonymous
“Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.”
–
Bill Murray
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
-
Benjamin
Franklin
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
-
Groucho Marx
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have
them beaten.
-
George Carlin
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
-
George Bernard Shaw
First Part
Funny Quotes
Part 1 |
Part 2 |
Part 3 |
Part 4 |
Part 5 |
Part 6 |
Part 7 |
Part 8 |
Part 9 |
Part 10
