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Funny Inspirational Quotes | Part 3

The best first: If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you. - Oscar Wilde
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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Greg King

We've had "cloning" in the South for years. It's called "cousins".
Robin Williams
“Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool.”

Bill Murray

"I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night."
Bill Hicks
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Al McGuire
“Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you didn’t cook it!”
Gordon Ramsay (TV Chef)
I'm not addicted to coke, I just love the way it smells
Richard Pryor
I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde
Hilarious Apology

“I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.”

Bill Murray
Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake.
Napoleon Bonaparte
“A woman described me as a bit of a looker the other day. Well, “voyeur” was the actual word she used.”

Gary Delaney
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Billy Sunday
A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
Franklin Jones
“I didn’t give you the finger…you earned it.”

Bill Murray
The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner.
Czech proverb

He who laughs.....lasts.
Erma Bombeck
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
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Funny Quotes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

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