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Funny Inspirational Quotes | Part 3

The best first: If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you. - Oscar Wilde
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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
-
Greg King

We've had "cloning" in the South for years. It's called "cousins".
-
Robin Williams
“Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool.”

Bill Murray

"I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night."
-
Bill Hicks
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
-
Al McGuire
“Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you didn’t cook it!”
-
Gordon Ramsay (TV Chef)
I'm not addicted to coke, I just love the way it smells
-
Richard Pryor
I can resist everything except temptation.
-
Oscar Wilde
Hilarious Apology

“I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.”

Bill Murray
Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake.
-
Napoleon Bonaparte
“A woman described me as a bit of a looker the other day. Well, “voyeur” was the actual word she used.”

Gary Delaney
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
-
Billy Sunday
A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
-
Franklin Jones
“I didn’t give you the finger…you earned it.”

Bill Murray
The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner.
-
Czech proverb

He who laughs.....lasts.
-
Erma Bombeck
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
-
Socrates
Next Part
Funny Quotes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10





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