8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?!
11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.
A man has usually no idea how often he normally farts. That is, until he
spends 24 hours with a girl he likes.
9 out of 10 voices in my head are telling me that I
am too fat. The last one is calmly preparing a bowl of chips.
Why did Jeremy gobble up his homework?
-
He was told it was a piece of cake.
Check out our Anti-Jokes
A fat guy and a thin guy meet:
Fat guy: “When I see you, I’d think a famine broke out!”
Thin guy: “And when I see you, I’d think you’re the one responsible for
that!”
Did you hear about that kidnapping at school?!
-
I mean, that brat even started to snore!
OK, enough! I’ll not be drinking any more!!
-
Not any less though, either.
Waiter, I’ve seen your thumb dipping right into my
soup as you were carrying it over!
–
Thank you for your kind concern, sir, but it’s OK, the soup is only
lukewarm.
Why hasn’t there ever been a vegan to the Moon?
-
Because there’s nobody there to whom they could tell they’re vegan.
“Waiter, could you bring me some tooth picks, please?”
“I’m sorry sir but you’ll have to wait a little bit, they are currently
all in use.”
At a job interview:
“Mrs. Lober, what do you consider your greatest weakness?”
“Honesty.”
“Really? I don’t believe that is a weakness at all.”
“And I don’t give a rat’s fart about your stupid opinion!”
Why haven’t there been any shark attacks on lawyers?
-
Sharks observe professional courtesy.
A guy stands up at the close of a company meeting,
“Guys, I just wanted to ask for your help, I lost a wallet with 450
dollars in it, if you happen to find it, please let me know, there’ll be
a 50 dollars finder’s fee!”
-
Somebody in the back says, “I offer 100!”
A child’s observation: If a mother laughs at dad’s
jokes, we have guests.
Earth says to Venus: “You need to get some life!“
My boss told me yesterday, “Don’t dress for the job
you have, dress for the job you want”. But when I turned up at the
office today in Ghostbusters gear, the bastard said I was fired.
Let’s all stop and give some thanks to our feet and
legs for always supporting us.
An egg and a chicken sit in a doctor’s waiting
room. A nurse walks out of the office and asks, “Alright, which one of
you came first?”
-
“Seriously!” shouts the chicken,” Here, too?!”
I got a really cute dog and called him Threemiles. It
sounds great to say I walk Threemiles twice a day.
Two planets meet. One moans to the other: “Can you
believe it, I’ve got humans!”
The other cheers her up: “Don’t worry, it will pass soon.”
Jenny, if you think your husband’s handsome, you
should see my boyfriend.
Oh, he’s a hottie, is he?
Nope, an optician though.
Next Part
of the Hilarious Jokes
Part 1 |
Part 2 |
Part 3 |
Part 4 |
Part 5 |
Part 6
