I am coughing and my nose is stuck.
Internet diagnosis: I am 26
Why isn't the military accepting karate pros?
Because when they
salute they might kill themselves.
Dolphins are highly intelligent animals. American scientists proved that
after only a brief time in captivity, they are able to train humans to stand
at the edge of the pool and toss them bits of fish.
“Oh no, Roger, why did you two split up?”
“She’s a liar and a
cheat! She said she was the whole night at her sister’s!”
“Yeah, no way. I was the whole night at her sister’s!”
We had a first date. When I brought her to her door, she suggested, “Do
you want to come up for a cup of coffee?”
I said I don't really
She winked at me and said that it’s OK because she
doesn’t have any coffee anyway.
I just left. I hate it when
people are this illogical.
"Granny, why do you read obituaries every day?
grandson. I just want to see who is single again.
A well-known hunter was once asked if it was true that the jungle predators
will never attack a person carrying a lit torch.
“That is true,” he
responded, “but it does depend at what speed you are carrying that torch.”
A glass of Nutella has about 9870 calories. But I don’t care. I never
eat the glass anyway.