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NEW Kids Jokes 2018/2019 (Family Friendly)

The best first: Father says to Little Johnny: “Johnny, such terrible marks deserve a beating, you understand that, right?”

Little Johnny: “I couldn’t agree more, dad. I have the teacher’s address right here.”
 New Kids Jokes

Latest Jokes 2018 / 2019 for Children (8+)

Teacher cracks down on Little Johnny: “Come now, Johnny! Admit it. You had your parents help you with the homework, didn’t you?”

Little Johnny replies: “Absolutely not. They did it all by themselves!“
Little Johnny asked his mom: “Mommy, where’s Grandpa?”
Mommy replies: “Oh, my little boy. We’ve talked about this, remember? He fell down from a really steep ladder and now he’s in heaven.”

“Yeesh”, says little Johnny, “that must have been quite a bounce!”
How does a school differ from an insane asylum?
Different phone numbers.

Question: Antonia buys 5 chocolate bars. Her friend Julie asks her for 2 of them. How many chocolate bars does Antonia end up with?
Answer: Five. Antonia is quite a greedy girl.
An ant saw an elephant running towards him. He was afraid that the elephant would step on him. What did the ant do?
He quickly hid behind a tree, waited and then tripped the elephant up.
One egg asks another egg: “Why are you so hairy?”

“’Cause I’m a kiwi.”
A man goes to a dog shelter and asks: “Do you have a loyal dog?”
The caretaker points: “Take that one.”
The man says: “And is he really loyal?”
The caretaker nods: “Absolutely. I already sold him 6 times and he always comes back.“
Three doves are sitting in a tree.
Suddenly they spot an airplane in the distance. One nudges the other: ”Look at that! That is fast!”
The other looks at him: “You’d be too I if your butt was on fire.“
What can smell without a nose?
A fart.

Kids Joke Fart

Teacher: Marvin, please go outside the door and stay there.
Marvin: Why?
Teacher: Because your jabbering is very disruptive and nobody wants to listen to it.
Marvin: Then perhaps you should come along with me.
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"

Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"

Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"

Patrick: "What school?"
Teacher: Patrick, you are an hour and a half late for school. What in the world?!
Student: Sorry sir, I had to say bye to all of my pets.
Teacher: An hour and a half?!Student: Well it is quite a big ant farm…
Teacher: How do you turn a white chocolate into a dark one?
Student: Switch off the lights.
Teacher: “Whoever can tell me some actual fact about the history of the 1700s will get an A.”
Little Johnny: “Everybody from that time is now dead.”

Why did Charlie eat his homework?
The teacher said it was a piece of cake.
Question: There’s a magical thing that begins with a T, it ends with a T and even has T inside it?
Answer: A Teapot.
Johnny: Miss, may I go to the bathroom, please? Right now?
Teacher: OK, Johnny, but tell me the alphabet first, then you can go.
Johnny: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Teacher: Hey, what happened to the P?
Johnny: It’s already halfway down my trousers.
Lisa ask Peter: What are you eating? Are those apple pips?

Peter replies: Yes! And you know what? These are very special ones, they give you knowledge and wisdom.

Lisa asks: Oh wow, can I have some please?
Peter answers: Sure, but it’s 2.50, remember, they’re special.
Lisa agrees, eats the pips and says: Hey, I can’t say that I feel any special knowledge or wisdom!

Peter replies: Really? But now you know that pips are really just pips and next time, you will be wise enough not to fall for a stupid trick like this.
Next Part
Kids Jokes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | New Kids Jokes

See also: Cute Jokes| Clean Jokes


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