When do you stop at green and go full speed at red?
When you're enjoying a watermelon!
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a teacher?
Teacher: Okay class, when I ask you a question, I want you all to answer me
at once. How much is six times 3?
Class: "At once!"
How can you open a banana?
With a monkey!
A plane with 4 people on board is about to crash. The 4 people are the
pilot, the president, the world’s smartest man and a ten-year-old. They only
have 3 parachutes between them.
The president cries: “I’m the
president, people need me to live!” and he jumps out.
smartest man cries, “I’m the world’s smartest man, I’m needed in the world!”
and he jumps out.
The pilot sighs and says, “You take the last
parachute, kid, I’ll go down with the plane, that’s my job.”
smiles, “No need, there are still two parachutes left. The world’s smartest
man took my backpack.”
Why does Little Johnny always tiptoe past the medicine box?
He’s afraid what would happen if he woke up the sleeping pills.
Teacher: "You got a zero in the last exam."
Roger: "I don’t think I
deserve a zero!"
Teacher: "Neither do I. But I can’t go any lower
What begins with P, ends with E, and has a gazillion letters in it?
The Post Office!
Child at dinner table: “Dad, is it OK to eat flies?”
“Billy, none of that at dinner table, do you hear me? That’s disgusting!”
Child shrugs and resumes eating. After dinner, father approaches the
kid: “OK, I’m happy you have scientific interests. Now what was it you
wanted to know about eating flies?”
Child: “Well you had one in your
meatloaf, I just wanted to know if you meant to eat it. But I guess it
doesn’t matter anymore.”
Q: What do lawyers usually wear when they go to court?
Q: Why does the traffic light go red sometimes?
A: So would you if
you had to change in the middle of a busy intersection!
How do you start a communication with a fish?
You drop him a line!
Q: What spends its days lying about on the ground but never gets dirty?
A: A shadow.
A jumper cable comes back home after an argument. The wife looks at him,
“Now don’t you start again, Roger!”
Don’t be sad it’s Monday again. Just 48 hours ago, it was even sadder day.
How do you tell a bad doctor? He doesn’t have a lot of patience.
I could tell you tons of jokes about pensioners. But they don’t work.
The mathematician who invented zero? Thanks a lot for nothing.
| Part 6
New Kids Jokes