I just got a new microwave for my wife. It was a good trade. I hope she
will be happy with the new guy.
Oh no – you’ve literally just missed your mother in law. Would you like
some new ammo?
A woman comes home from work. Suddenly she hears her
husband screaming from the living room: “Noooo, not the ring! Don’t
give away the ring!!”
-
The woman asks, “What's going on? Are
you watching Lord of the Rings?”
-
Man: “No, our wedding video.”
A friend of mine asked if he could crash on the sofa.
He said he’d like to stay at my place for a couple of nights.
He’s such a naive puppy. I’ve been married for six years now. Where does
he think I sleep?
Two guys are talking, “I haven’t had intercourse with
my wife until the wedding. What about you?”
“I don’t know, what was her maiden name?”
Men perfectly understand other people. Provided those
other people are men.
Seen enough marriage jokes?
Discover a new category!
Wife: Phillip, you have no clothes on, and you're
oiled. Why?! Please explain yourself.
-
Husband: Well, you did nag me. You said I never glisten!
My wife had a terrible accident today with my car.
-
OMG, is she hurt?
-
Not yet. She locked herself in the bathroom.
“How’s it going, Pete?”
“Ah, I don’t know. The wife keeps nagging. Just this morning I got
scolded like a little boy that I never listen to her and some other
thing.”
Despite protests, I put a high-voltage electric fence
around my property.
-
My wife’s dead against it.
That awkward moment when you realize that marital
vows have robbed you of your right to a fair share of blanket.
First
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Husband and Wife Jokes
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Part 6
