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One Liners | Part 2

The best first: How many animals did Moses bring on his Ark?
None! Moses didn’t have an Ark.
One Liner Jokes

Why are ghost such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through.

I stole my friend’s wheelchair. Guess who is comes crawling back to me?!
Man to his wife:
I’d never say you’re fat! You’re just a bit more visible.
What would you call a person who had no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
A pig stands in front of an electric socket: “Oh no, who put you into that wall?!”
 I saw this sweet poor old lady fall down the stairs and hurt herself. At least I assume she was poor because I didn’t find more than 3.50 in her wallet.
 I never hold my farts in. Only assholes do that.
Here, I bought you a calendar. Your days are numbered now.
Where do fish sleep?
 In the RiverBed.
Talk is cheap, yeah? Have you ever talked to a lawyer?!
My wife’s driving test went surprisingly well yesterday. She got 7 out of 12. The 5 managed to run to safety.
I called the hospital but the line was dead.
Husband: Wow, honey, you look really different today. Did you do something to your hair?
Wife: Michael, I’m over here!
Do you know a tree’s favorite drink?
Root beer!
What did one plate say to his friend?
Tonight, dinner’s on me!

Two invisible men meet. One says to the other: “Hey dude, long time no see!”
 When everything’s coming your way – perhaps you’re in the wrong direction on the highway?
A woman sees an angler at a lake, “And, are they biting?”
The angler replies, “Only if they are provoked.”
Next Part
Best One Liners

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

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