Why are ghost such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through.
I stole my friend’s wheelchair. Guess who is comes crawling back to me?!
Husband: Wow, honey, you look really different today. Did you do something
to your hair?
Wife: Michael, I’m over here!
Man to his wife:
I’d never say you’re fat! You’re just a bit more
A pig stands in front of an electric socket: “Oh no, who put you into that
I saw this sweet poor old lady fall down the stairs and hurt herself. At
least I assume she was poor because I didn’t find more than 3.50 in her
Here, I bought you a calendar. Your days are numbered now.
Where do fish sleep?
In the RiverBed.
Talk is cheap, yeah? Have you ever talked to a lawyer?!
If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.
I called the hospital but the line was dead.
A woman complains to her mother, “I had this big fight with my husband Joe
and at the end he just told me to go to hell.”
Mother frowns, “Oh,
and so you came to me, huh?”
I heard women love a man in uniform. Can’t wait to start working at
Do you know a tree’s favorite drink?
Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?
What did one plate say to his friend?
Tonight, dinner’s on me!
Two invisible men meet. One says to the other: “Hey dude, long time no see!”
A woman sees an angler at a lake, “And, are they biting?”
angler replies, “Only if they are provoked.”
Best One Liners