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One Liners | Part 3

The best first: I met two guys wearing matching clothing. So I asked them if they were gay. They promptly arrested me.
One Liners - Very funny

One frog to the other: Oh man, it’s starting to rain. Let’s hop into the water before we get wet

I got flashed at the freeway yesterday.
At first I thought I’d just had an idea.
Do you want to hear a truly delicious tofu recipe?

1) Chuck the tofu.

2) Fry a juicy steak.
Do you know this joke where all the idiots say no?
Life is a bit like soccer in a way. You can either use your head, or a good, swift kick.
I just met a great looking blonde girl with long legs. She’s babysitter. Does anybody know where I can quickly get a child from today?
“Why do you look so sad?”
“I wanted to drown my worries but my wife didn’t want to go in the water.”
I heard that it is easier to find a girlfriend when you have things in common.
So girls, I like to breath.
Do not go to the bathroom in a dream. It’s a trap!
You really are the most jealous woman I know.
Oh, so you know lots of other women, do you?!
My car horn now sounds like gunshots. People move out of the way much faster recently.
If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?
It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

“Mom, can I play with grandpa?”
“No, you just leave him hanging until the police comes.”

What is agony?
You are a one-armed man hanging off a cliff. Suddenly your butt starts to itch.
Famous last words of a postman: What a lovely dog you have!
I had to quit my job at the helium plant. I couldn’t tolerate it anymore that people speak to me in such a voice.
My wife accused me for being a transvestite
So I packed up her things and left.
It’s cleaning day today. I’ve already polished off a whole chocolate bar.
Why I don’t trust joggers? Well, they are usually the ones to find the dead bodies.
Why won’t Mexicans be sad too long about Trump’s wall? They will get over it.
I hate it when I run out of toilet paper and I have to make the trip to the grocery store in really small steps.
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Best One Liners

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

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