One Liners | Part 3

One frog to the other: Oh man, it’s starting to rain. Let’s hop into the water before we get wet

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I got flashed at the freeway yesterday.
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At first I thought I’d just had an idea.

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Do you know this joke where all the idiots say no?
[NO]

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Life is a bit like soccer in a way. You can either use your head, or a good, swift kick.

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I just met a great looking blonde girl with long legs. She’s babysitter. Does anybody know where I can quickly get a child for today?

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“Why do you look so sad?”
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“I wanted to drown my worries but my wife didn’t want to go in the water.”

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An Eskimo kid loads his water gun, runs out, aims at his friends … and then shouts: “Ah heck, jammed again!”

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I heard that it is easier to find a girlfriend when you have things in common.
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So girls, I like to breath.

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You really are the most jealous woman I know.
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Oh, so you know lots of other women, do you?!

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My car horn now sounds like gunshots. People move out of the way much faster recently.

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If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?

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“Mom, can I play with grandpa?”
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“No, you just leave him hanging until the police comes.”

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What is agony?
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You are a one-armed man hanging off a cliff. Suddenly your butt starts to itch.

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Famous last words of a postman: What a lovely dog you have!

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I had to quit my job at the helium plant. I couldn’t tolerate it anymore that people speak to me in such a voice.

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My wife accused me for being a transvestite
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So I packed up her things and left.

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Why I don’t trust joggers? Well, they are usually the ones to find the dead bodies.

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I hate it when I run out of toilet paper and I have to make the trip to the grocery store in really small steps.

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Next Part
Best One Liners

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

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