One frog to the other: Oh man, it’s starting to rain. Let’s hop
into the water before we get wet
Do you want to hear a truly delicious tofu recipe?
1) Chuck the tofu.
2) Fry a juicy steak.
If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.
Do you know this joke where all the idiots say no?
Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?
Life is a bit like soccer in a way. You can either use your head, or a good,
I just met a great looking blonde girl with long legs. She’s babysitter.
Does anybody know where I can quickly get a child from today?
A woman complains to her mother, “I had this big fight with my husband Joe
and at the end he just told me to go to hell.”
Mother frowns, “Oh,
and so you came to me, huh?”
“Why do you look so sad?”
“I wanted to drown my worries but my wife
didn’t want to go in the water.”
I heard that it is easier to find a girlfriend when you have things in
So girls, I like to breath.
Do not go to the bathroom in a dream. It’s a trap!
I heard women love a man in uniform. Can’t wait to start working at
You really are the most jealous woman I know.
Oh, so you know lots
of other women, do you?!
My car horn now sounds like gunshots. People move out of the way much faster
If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?
It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
“Mom, can I play with grandpa?”
“No, you just leave him hanging
until the police comes.”
What is agony?
You are a one-armed man hanging off a cliff. Suddenly
your butt starts to itch.
Famous last words of a postman: What a lovely dog you have!
I had to quit my job at the helium plant. I couldn’t tolerate it anymore
that people speak to me in such a voice.
My wife accused for being a transvestite
So I packed up her things
It’s cleaning day today. I’ve already polished off a whole chocolate bar.
Why I don’t trust joggers? Well, they are usually the ones to find the dead
Why won’t Mexicans be sad too long about Trump’s wall? They will get over
You look so bad your mum got a penalty for littering when she dropped you
off at school today.
In hell, you get a room wallpapered from top to bottom with your hastily
I hate it when I run out of toilet paper and I have to make the trip to the
grocery store in really small steps.
Best One Liners