Funniest Short Jokes - Part 3 (LOL)

These funny jokes will make you LAUGH OUT LOUD

 
Doctor: You're obese.

Patient: For that I definitely want a second opinion.

Doctor: You’re quite ugly, too.

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What is white and rolls up a mountain slope?
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An avalanche who is homesick.

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It has four legs and it can fly, what is it?
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Two birds.

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Why is it impossible to fight an octopus with your bare hands?

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Because an octopus is well armed!

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A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”
 
The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know the woman!”

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Check out our Anti-Jokes

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A man noticed his credit card has been stolen - but he never reported it. The thief was still spending considerably less than his wife.“

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In a boutique:

Could I try the dress in the shop window, please?

I’m sorry madam but no. We have cabins for that.

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Save the forests!!
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Eat more beavers!!!

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Dentist warns his patient, “This might be a bit painful.”

Patient: “That’s OK, I’ll handle it.”

The dentist sighs, “For a while now, I’ve been having an affair with your wife.”

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Employee: Can I have a raise?
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Boss: Nope.
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Employee: Ok, let me rephrase it. Give me a raise or I will tell my 75 co-workers that I got one.

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So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we’re having a baby. For instance my name, address and telephone number!

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Why haven’t you ever seen any elephants hiding up trees? Because they’re really, really good at hiding.

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Many people are shocked when they found out how bad I actually am at this electrician thing.

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What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler?
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Just the Rottweiler.

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Need cheering up? Start a fight with somebody when they have the hiccoughs!

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 Police: “Open the door!”
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Man: “I don’t want any balls!”
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Police: “What? We don’t have balls!”
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Man: “I know.”

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How can you tell your acne is really starting to get out of hand?
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The blind start reading your face.

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Policeman: I'm very sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a bus.
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Man: I’m aware of that, but Karen has a wonderful personality.

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  Next: Part 4 (Try NOT to Laugh)
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5