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Hilarious Clean Jokes | Part 5

The best first: Without water, there’d be no life on Earth because without water, there could be no coffee.

Two clairvoyants meet. One says to the other: “You are fine, and how am I?
Two days ago, my friend Peter ran off with my wife.”

“Oh no, how long have you been friends?”

“Since two days ago.”

What did the toilet roll complain about?

"People just keep ripping me off!"
What did one wall say to the other wall?
We’ll meet at the corner.
What to do when somebody is trying to start an argument with you? Simply eat a few cookies. They taste very nice and you can’t hear anything over the crunching.
Doctor: “You must lose weight immediately! Do not take in more than thousand calories per day!”

Mrs Mummel: “Before or after meals?”
What goes through every village, over mountains, crosses rivers and deserts and yet never moves?
A road.
Teacher: "OK class, who will give me the chemical formula for water?"

Pupil: "HIJKLMNO."

Teacher: "What on earth are you on about?"

Pupil: "Well you said yourself yesterday it was H to O!"
What a difference a good shower makes!

I was irritable, exhausted and I felt like hell.

Now I’m irritable, exhausted, I feel like hell and I smell of grapefruit!
“What's the name of your new dog?”

“I don’t know. He won’t tell.”

 Daddy reads some bedtime stories to make little Jonny fall asleep.

Half an hour later mommy opens quietly the door and asks: “And, is he asleep?”

Little Jonny answers: “Yes, finally.”
An employee complains to his boss, “Sorry boss, but the salary doesn’t even remotely match the effort I put into my work.”
Boss nods, “I know, but we can’t let you starve to death.”
What should you do when you see a spaceman?

You just park in it, man.
First Part
Clean Jokes

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

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