Two clairvoyants meet. One says to the other: “You are fine,
and how am I?
Two days ago, my friend Peter ran off with my wife.”
“Oh no, how long
have you been friends?”
“Since two days ago.”
What did one wall say to the other wall?
We’ll meet at the corner.
Doctor: “You must lose weight immediately! Do not take in more than thousand
calories per day!”
Mrs Mummel: “Before or after meals?”
I was addicted to soap for 5 years. I just had to use it, every day, in
the shower, at the sink… sometimes even at work... But now I’m finally
While I was walking down the street, I tried to pass a senior. He went
left then he went left. I went right then he went right. Then he said:
that's like in the old days. I just wanted to go to the toilet and the
ladies thought I would like to dance.
That awkward moment when you’re trying to have small talk with your
driving instructor and you ask him what he does for a living.
Teacher: "OK class, who will give me the chemical formula for water?"
Teacher: "What on earth are you on about?"
you said yourself yesterday it was H to O!"
difference a good shower makes!
I was irritable, exhausted and I felt
Now I’m irritable, exhausted, I feel like hell and I smell of
“What's the name of your new dog?”
don’t know. He won’t tell.”
Daddy reads some bedtime stories to make little Jonny fall asleep.
Half an hour later mommy opens the door quietly and asks: “And, is he
Little Jonny answers: “Yes, finally.”
I forgot my cell phone when I went to the
toilet yesterday. We have 245 tiles.
An employee complains to his boss, “Sorry boss, but the salary doesn’t even
remotely match the effort I put into my work.”
Boss nods, “I know,
but we can’t let you starve to death.”
What should you do when you see a spaceman?
You just park in it, man.