A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?”
Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 questions.”
Man: “Wow - so much!
Isn’t it a bit expensive?”
Lawyer: “Yes, what is your third
Bob: "Holy schmoozes, I just fell off a 30 ft ladder."
Jim: "No way
man, are you okay?"
Bob: "Yeah, luckily I was just on the first
What do you call a typo on a tombstone?
A grave mistake.
When I look at chocolate, I hear two voices in my head.
one says: “You need to eat that chocolate.”
The other voice goes:
“You heard. Eat the chocolate.”
Are you two twins?
No, why do you ask?
Because mommy dressed
you both in the same clothes.
OK that’s enough, your driver’s license
Two years ago I asked the girl of my dreams on a date, today I asked her to
She said no, on both occasions.
you doing in the fridge?”
“The recipe said, rest in the fridge
for 1 hour.”
clerk: "Where were you born, sir?"
Man: "In the United States."
Insurance clerk: "OK, and which part?"
Man: "My entire body."
My wife is a bit weird. She always starts her speeches with “Michael, are you
listening to me?”
Just came home from a training session. Two hours on the treadmill did me
really good. If only I could somehow stop the constant beeping and the
irritated comments of the cashier.
Does your dog bite?
Oh, so how do you feed him?
A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The
uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase
was? It was from the 17th century!” The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that
it wasn’t new.”
Do you want to hear a joke backwards?
Very good, start
Why couldn’t Mrs. Dracula sleep properly?
Because of Dracula’s
The police stops a computer hardware engineer: “Your light isn’t working.
You have to get off your bike.”
IT guy: “I tried that but the light
still isn’t working.”
Bus driver to passenger: Don’t you want to sit down?
Passenger: No, I
am in a hurry.