“Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?”
My friend boasted he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain where
Buddha actually comes from.
“Mom, don't get alarmed, but
I’m at the hospital.”
“Son, please. You’ve been a surgeon there for 8
years now. Can we start our phone calls differently?”
kangaroo mother got incredibly itchy around her belly. She opened her pouch
and yelled into it:
“How often have I told you not to eat the crunchy cookies in bed!”
Why is it a bad idea to insult an octopus?
Because it is well armed.
What if dogs fetch the ball back only because they think you really like
Level of cooking expertise: Using smoke alarm as timer.
“Little Jonny, why did you put your teddy in the freezer?”
like to have a polar bear.”
Man to his wife: “Do you know what our 6 year old son wants to be once he’s
Man: “A garbage man. And you know why?”
Wife: “No, why?”
Man: “Because he thinks they only work on Tuesdays.”
You: I’ll tell you a joke!
When a guy says he likes girls with a sense of humor, he
doesn't mean that he wants a girl to be really witty and funny. He means he
wants her to laugh at his jokes.
In a boutique:
Could I try the dress in the shop window, please?
I’m sorry madam but no. We have cabins for that.