What did the judge ask when he went to the dentist?
“Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?”
My friend boasted he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain where
Buddha actually comes from.
“Mom, don't get alarmed, but
I’m at the hospital.”
“Son, please. You’ve been a surgeon there for 8
years now. Can we start our phone calls differently?”
kangaroo mother got incredibly itchy around her belly. She opened her pouch
and yelled into it:
“How often have I told you not to eat the crunchy cookies in bed!”
Why is it a bad idea to insult an octopus?
Because it is well armed.
What if dogs fetch the ball back only because they think you really like
Level of cooking expertise: Using smoke alarm as timer.
“Little Jonny, why did you put your teddy in the freezer?”
like to have a polar bear.”
Man to his wife: “Do you know what our 6 year old son wants to be once he’s
Man: “A garbage man. And you know why?”
Wife: “No, why?”
Man: “Because he thinks they only work on Tuesdays.”
Why do the French eat snails?
Because they cannot stand fast food.
You: I’ll tell you a joke!
An eskimo brings his friend to his home for a visit. When they arrive, his
friend asks, puzzled – “So where’s your igloo?”
“Oh no, I must’ve
left the iron on…”
When a guy says he likes girls with a sense of humor, he
doesn't mean that he wants a girl to be really witty and funny. He means he
wants her to laugh at his jokes.
In a boutique:
Could I try the dress in the shop window, please?
I’m sorry madam but no. We have cabins for that.