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New Puns 2018

Best first: You wanna hear a joke about a pizza?
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Ah never mind. It’s a bit too cheezy.
 
    
 New Puns

Very funny new puns

 
Do you know how to make a hotdog stand?
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You take his seat away.

I heard some pretty juicy rumor about butter. But I decided not to spread it.
If you’re holding a bee, what is in your eye?
 
Beauty, everybody knows beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
I wanted to tell you a vacuum joke. But it sucked too hard.
Why did the airplane disappear from the airport?
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It had terminal illness.
I’m always getting run over by the same bike, same day every month, same place, month after month...
 
It's a seriously vicious cycle.
You know that famous joke about the side walk?
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Man, it’s all over town!
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
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A necktarine.
Some bastard hit me in the street yesterday and ran off with my limbo stick.
 
I mean really, how low can you go?
My puns are excellent koala tea. (quality)

Don’t get me wrong, I like humor and jokes like everybody else. But when it comes to air conditioning jokes – just not a fan

Why is the letter “C” the only good letter in the alphabet?
 
Because all the others are Not-Cs.
What does a blanket say when it falls off the bed?
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Oh sheet!
I know a guy who occasionally sells me a gun or two.

Everyone calls him T-Rex. He's a small arms dealer.
I thought tables couldn’t bleed.
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Then I was introduced to the periodic table.
I’m looking for some good fish jokes.
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If you know any, let minnow.
Why does a room crowded with happy couples seem so empty?
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There’s literally not a single person in there.
I invested into a thesaurus, but when it arrived and I opened it, the whole book was empty, all pages blank!
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There are no words to describe how mad I am!
Q: What did one coffin say to his friend in the darkness of the tomb?
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A: Hey, dude, is that you coffin?
Billy complains to his mate Joe that things aren’t very spicy in his marriage anymore. Joe suggests that Billy should go see a doctor.
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The next day Joe drives by Billy and sees him in the tractor shed rubbing lovely smelling oil on the machine, scented candles lit everywhere…
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“What on Earth are you doing man?!” asks Joe.
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“Well, just following advice. The doctor said I should do something romantic to a tractor.”
Some guy in the street stopped me to give me a flier on anger management.
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I admit I lost it.
I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half-sisters.
What is the filthiest country in the world?
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GERMany!
How can you kill a whole circus?
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You’ve got to go for the juggler.
Online forum question: My wife just admitted she made a mistake. I’m kind of panicking now. What should I do? What will happen in our future? Should I take steps? Please help fast!
I bought some gloves today, they’re really warm and snuggly, but unfortunately they’re both left. So, on one hand, that’s awesome, but then again on the other hand, it’s really not right…
I’d tell you a really good joke about clouds. But I’m afraid it’s way over your head.
Have you heard about the kidnapping at school?!
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He actually started to snore!

Question: A plane crashed down with 200 people on board. Every single person died, yet there were a 100 survivors. How is that possible?
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Answer: All the married ones lived.
What do you call a chicken that’s scared of sharks?
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A chicken.
I can’t stand it when people repeat themselves pointlessly. I just can’t stand it!
I never got why they ask you if you want a table when you get to a restaurant. No, I don’t want a table, I want some food, man!
Our Best Puns

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8
New Puns




 
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