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Best Short Puns

The best first: I got very lonely lately, so I bought some shares.
It's much nicer having some company.
Our funniest categories:

Short Hilarious Puns

Best Puns Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

See also: New Puns | Dad Jokes

Two underpans meet for a beer.
"Why are you so brown?" asks one.
"Don't ask. It was a really crappy week."
Short Pun
I Googled "how to start a wildfire".

I got 48,500 matches.
I wanted to tell you a joke about leeches. But I won’t – they all suck.
Cannibals aren’t very sociable. They’re all fed up with people.
The hipster from next door drowned. He went ice skating before it was cool.
This gravity joke is getting a bit old, but I fall for it every time.
Horse Pun
Why did the balloon go near the needle?
He wanted to be a pop star.

I was hoping to steal some leftovers from the party but I guess my plans were foiled.
My cousin, a magician, decided to incorporate the use of trapdoors in his shows. But I think it's just a stage he's going through.
You’re becoming a vegetarian? I think that’s a big missed steak.
 What do you call a German entertainer?
A kraut-pleaser.
Why did the banana have to go to the doctor?
It wasn't peeling too well.
37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court. They will be sentenced next Friday.
A group of termites marches into a saloon and ask: “Is the bar tender here?”
Why was the chef arrested?
He was beating eggs every day.
Horse Pun
Why isn't it always hotter in the stadiums after a game?
I mean, all the fans have left.
Apparently taking a day off is not something you should do when you work for a calendar company.
What is red and occasionally explodes in the fruit section?
A pomegranate.
If a wild pig kills you, does it mean you’ve been boared to death?

What was the football coach yelling at the vending machine?
“Gimme my quarter back!!!”
Punny Snowmen

I once worked in a bank, but then I lost interest.
Best Puns Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

See also: New Puns | Dad Jokes

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