Best Short Puns

 

Short Hilarious Puns

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Wherever I go, I’m greeted with much warmth.
 
Derek, 53, Fireman

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I Googled "how to start a wildfire".

I got 48,500 matches.

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How many Mexicans are necessary to screw in a light bulb?
 
Only Juan.

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It’s not nice making fun of fat people.
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They’ve got enough on their plates as it is.

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Cannibals aren’t very sociable. They’re all fed up with people.

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This gravity joke is getting a bit old, but I fall for it every time.

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I was hoping to steal some leftovers from the party but I guess my plans were foiled.

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Nurse to a doctor: Doctor, here’s your list of heart, liver and kidney donors. I already sorted them alphabetically.
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Doctor: Excellent job. Seriously well organ-ized.

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I was recently diagnosed with color-blindness. It came out of the green.

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What would I think if you're becoming a vegetarian?
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 I would think that’s a big missed steak.

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Why did the banana have to go to the doctor?
 
It wasn't peeling too well.

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Sure, I drink brake fluid. But I can stop anytime, no problem!

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A group of termites marches into a saloon and ask: “Is the bar tender here?”

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Why was the chef arrested?
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He was beating the eggs.

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Apparently taking a day off is not something you should do when you work for a calendar company.

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If a wild pig kills you, does it mean you’ve been boared to death?

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What was the football coach yelling at the vending machine?
 
“Gimme my quarter back!!!”

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Best Puns Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

See also: New Puns | Dad Jokes

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