Derek, 53, Fireman
I Googled "how to start a wildfire".
I got 48,500 matches.
How many Mexicans are necessary to screw in a light bulb?
Only Juan.
It’s not nice making fun of fat people. - They’ve got enough on their
plates as it is.
Cannibals aren’t very sociable. They’re all fed up with people.
This gravity joke is getting a bit old, but I fall for it every time.
I was hoping to steal some leftovers from the party but I guess my plans
were foiled.
Nurse to a doctor: Doctor, here’s your list of heart, liver and kidney
donors. I already sorted them alphabetically. - Doctor: Excellent
job. Seriously well organ-ized.
I was recently diagnosed with color-blindness. It came out of the green.
What would I think if you're becoming a vegetarian? - I
would think that’s a big missed steak.
Why did the banana have to go to the doctor?
It wasn't peeling
too well.
Sure, I drink brake fluid. But I can stop anytime, no problem!
A group of termites marches into a saloon and ask: “Is the bar tender
here?”
Why was the chef arrested? - He was beating the eggs.
Apparently taking a day off is not something you should do when you work
for a calendar company.
If a wild pig kills you, does it mean you’ve been boared to death?
What was the football coach yelling at the vending machine?
