What’s the difference between a lion and a shark?
for the lion, they’re both sea animals.
Peter says, “I can’t hear you, Michael!”
Michael responds, “I can’t
hear you either, Peter!”
A wild hog runs around a corner and steps on a cookie.
A horse sits at a bar and sobs to the bartender, “I only have one testicle!”
What is green but turns red?
A frog in a
What is green and stays green?
A super frog in a
mixer who runs so fast it is never caught by the blades.
green and turns red?
A super frog that stumbles.
A guy wants to go shopping. He locks his bike onto a light post and when he
comes back, the light post is gone.
What sits on a tree and goes, “A-haaaaaa, a-haaaaaa”?
An owl who
just had a major realization.
A man walks into a small convenience store and asks, “I’d like a pound of milk
The shop assistant says, “Milk
is measured, sir, not weighed.”
The man replies, “Ok, then give me 7
inches of milk.”
Do you know the joke from the second floor?
live on the third floor.
A chicken frowns at her brood, “If your father could see you now, he’d turn
over on his rotisserie!
”Two hunters go in a forest. One shoots the other in the eye and says, “Don’t
you look at me like that!”
Two piles of poop are sitting on a wall, playing cards. A diarrhea comes by
and asks, “Can I play with you?” One of the poops replies, “No, you’re not
tough enough for that.”
Two candles meet.
“So what you are up to tonight?”
“I’m planning on going
One cow remarks to another, “Mooooo.”
The other looks at her,
“Can’t you see I’m eating my yogurt here? Leave me alone!”
A toast goes up the stairs, and then he remembers that he can’t walk and
falls back down the stairs.
A mute says to the deaf, “The blind are watching us.”
One fart says to another fart, “You stink.”
The second fart
replies, “So do you!”
Two guys are catching up, “You know what happened? We had this really
good roofer, awesome guy, got run over by a car last week. Really sad.”
His friend shakes his head, “Wow. You’d think you’d be safe up on the
A guy says, “Sorry, I can’t hear you, I have a banana in my ear.” The other
guy replies, “Sorry, I can’t hear you. I have a cucumber in my ear.”
At a barbecue.
One sausage says to another, “Oh my god, I think you’re
What’s jumping from tree to tree?
A pack of
Wait, that can’t be right!
Of course not. Gherkins
aren’t pack creatures.
A guy wants to chase away four birds that are sitting on his roof. He throws
little stones at them and shouts: “Shove off!!”
One bird replies:
“Please ask us again at around 5 or 6 pm.”
What is the difference between a man and a toothbrush?
None. Both are
You know it’s raining when you go out and you get wet.
Two cigars are walking down the street. One of them asks, “Hey, have you got
a lighter? I’m in the mood for smoking.”
At a job interview:
Hi, I’m Peter, and I brought a hair dryer with me to
melt the ice between us.
On a first date:
“So, what is your profession?”
“Really? What are they doing?”
An apple comes home and sees a pear on the couch. “I have a good life,” says
Two skyscrapers are sitting in a storage room. What’s wrong with that?
They accidently locked themselves in.
Next Part 2
Best Anti Jokes