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Anti Jokes Part II

Best first: Why is your dog immediately up and running when he hears the doorbell go off?
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He is a boxer.
February 19, 2020 / Last updated: May 26, 2020

 Author Michael Janikby

Funny Anti Jokes

Watch the eyebrows rise up to the sky with our ridiculous, outrageous and strangely funny anti-jokes. Bad humor at its best!
   Part 1 | Part 2
What’s the difference between a lion and a shark?
 
None, except for the lion, they’re both sea animals.
Peter says, “I can’t hear you, Michael!”
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Michael responds, “I can’t hear you either, Peter!”
A wild hog runs around a corner and steps on a cookie.
Anti Jokes 2

A horse sits at a bar and sobs to the bartender, “I only have one testicle!”

What is green but turns red?
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A frog in a mixer.
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What is green and stays green?
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A super frog in a mixer who runs so fast it is never caught by the blades.
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What is green and turns red?
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A super frog that stumbles.
A guy wants to go shopping. He locks his bike onto a light post and when he comes back, the light post is gone.
A man walks into a small convenience store and asks, “I’d like a pound of milk please“.
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The shop assistant says, “Milk is measured, sir, not weighed.”
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The man replies, “Ok, then give me 7 inches of milk.”
Do you know the joke from the second floor?
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No, I live on the third floor.
Two hunters go in a forest. One shoots the other in the eye and says, “Don’t you look at me like that!”
Two piles of poop are sitting on a wall, playing cards. A diarrhea comes by and asks, “Can I play with you?” One of the poops replies, “No, you’re not tough enough for that. ”
Two candles meet.
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“So what you are up to tonight?”
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“I’m planning on going out.”
One cow remarks to another, “Mooooo.”

 The other looks at her, “Can’t you see I’m eating my yogurt here? Leave me alone!”  
A toast goes up the stairs, and then he remembers that he can’t walk and falls back down the stairs.
   A mute says to the deaf, “The blind are watching us.”  
One fart says to another fart, “You stink.”
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The second fart replies, “So do you!”
Two guys are catching up, “You know what happened? We had this really good roofer, awesome guy, got run over by a car last week. Really sad.”
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His friend shakes his head, “Wow. You’d think you’d be safe up on the roof…”

A guy says, “Sorry, I can’t hear you, I have a banana in my ear.” The other guy replies, “Sorry, I can’t hear you. I have a cucumber in my ear.”
At a barbecue.
One sausage says to another, “Oh my god, I think you’re burning!”
What’s jumping from tree to tree?
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A pack of gherkins.
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Wait, that can’t be right!
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Of course not. Gherkins aren’t pack creatures.
A guy wants to chase away four birds that are sitting on his roof. He throws little stones at them and shouts: “Shove off!!”
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One bird replies: “Please ask us again at around 5 or 6 pm.”
What is the difference between a man and a toothbrush?

None. Both are hairy.

You know it’s raining when you go out and you get wet.
Two cigars are walking down the street. One of them asks, “Hey, have you got a lighter? I’m in the mood for smoking.”
At a job interview:
 
Hi, I’m Peter, and I brought a hair dryer with me to melt the ice between us.
On a first date:

“So, what is your profession?”

“I copy keys.”

“Really? What are they doing?”
An apple comes home and sees a pear on the couch. “I have a good life,” says the pear.

Two skyscrapers are sitting in a storage room. What’s wrong with that?
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They accidently locked themselves in.
 
Next Part 2
Best Anti Jokes

Part 1 | Part 2





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