Hilarious Turkey Jokes
“Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, ‘Well, this has been fun, but we know
you have a long voyage back to England.’”
– Jay Leno
“Last Thanksgiving I shot
my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the
supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
– Kenny Rogerson
Turkey fun facts:
- Turkey quite possibly didn’t feature on the first
Thanksgiving menu. The records point more towards a duck or a goose.
- Turkeys can get a heart attack. This was discovered when the US Air Force
were testing breaking the sound barrier and the huge boom ended up with a
field of turkeys at a nearby farm dead from fright.
- Black Friday is the busiest day of
the year for plumbers. Guess why.
- Benjamin Franklin wanted turkey to
become US national animal. He thought the eagle had a “bad moral character”.
- Because of the very harsh conditions during that first year of 1621, many
historians believe that only 5 Pilgrim women (out of the 50 Pilgrims in
total) were present at the Thanksgiving feast – that’s probably how
many have survived.
- A wild turkey, when scared, can run at 20 mph (32
kph).
- After a stroll on the Moon, the first meal Neil Armstrong and
Buzz Aldrin enjoyed was roast turkey (in a foil packet, but still).
What did the turkey say in the sauna?
“Hmmm, what is that lovely
smell?!”
What do you call a turkey that’s got no feathers?
Thanksgiving dinner.
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Granny: “Do you like the turkey darling?”
-
Grandpa: “Sorry, not at
all.”
-
Granny: “But you liked it last year…”
-
Grandpa: “Yeah
but perhaps you shouldn't have frozen the leftovers for a whole year.”
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
A man suggests to his wife that he will make the turkey this Thanksgiving.
On Thanksgiving morning, he goes in the kitchen and starts cooking.
20 minutes later, his wife follows him in and starts yelling: “Oh for God’s
sake, put more salt in! Quickly, more oil! Not like that, you’re not doing
it right!! What are you doing?! Turn up the heat, put juice on it. Come on
be careful, use the thermometer, come on!”
The husband, all
flustered, looks at his wife, “Honey, please, calm down!”
"Well," smiles
his wife sweetly, "now you know what I feel like when I’m driving you
anywhere."
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults. Roast me!”
What are turkeys thankful for at Thanksgiving?
The current
veganism/vegetarianism fad.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it
killed and then cran-bury it!!!!
How many turkeys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Well if I knew the answer, I wouldn’t be asking you, would I?
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because
he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What do you call somebody who’s absolutely into Thanksgiving
turkey?
A tryptophanatic.
Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain
religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and
gratitude.”
– Ambrose Bierce
“I love Thanksgiving turkey … it’s the only time in Los Angeles
that you see natural breasts.”
– Arnold Schwarzenegger
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time
to eat, everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom
is an obstetrician.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend
to toss one at you.
Thanksgiving Jokes - Part 1 |
Part 2 |
Part 3 |
Part 4
